Hi all. I really don't know where to start but hoping I can get some answers here through shared experience. I am a 36 year old female with a loving husband and two boys. We moved to Australia 2.5 years ago to open our own business. The stress has been debilitating - especially with the current economic situation. I have always battled with depression type symptoms. I didn't have the best childhood and started seeing a psychologist after falling pregnant at 19 and finding the whole experience overwhelming. I feel that I have a tendency to become overly-stressed and anxious. My mom passed away 9 years ago and that was and continues to be a very difficult thing for me to deal with. Anyway - back to my question. I always feel that things get too much and then I go to my doctor and try a spell of anti-depressants and am then scared off by them and try and go it alone. Right now - I am working really hard, my energy levels are incredibly low - I am constantly tired. I also pick up every single little bug that is going around so I feel that my immune system is weak. I just generally feel very down. I am trying all sorts of vitamins but I am just wondering whether the stress I am feeling is now taking its toll and manifesting itself in all these little ailments. The last time I tried an anti-depressant was about 8 months back - Effexor XR. I put on the most ridiculous amount of weight in the shortest time and weaned myself off them swearing never to touch anti-depressants again. I just want to feel better. I don't know how clouded things are for me because I have felt this way for sometime. Every single anti-depressant I have tried has had some bad side effect for me. I can't even remember all the names but I'm so scared of going through the rollercoaster of trying another one and then another. I don't know whether to stick it out - whether I need to be on something or not. Every anti-depressant I have researched on the internet has such bad commentary. I want to feel happy and healthy and I seem to be treating everything in isolation when the underlying cause might just be depression and stress. I just don't know what to do. I wish there was an anti-depressant that didn't scare me and that didn't have all of these awful side effects. Thank you for listening to my story. I wish I made more sense but its a good indicator of how 'i just don't know' I feel. As I'm writing to you - I find it hard to muster the energy to translate what I am feeling into words and then to get them out there. I want to be the best mother and wife that I can be and right now I feel that life and time are passing me by. I think my question is in there somewhere and would greatly appreciate some words of wisdom from someone out there. thanks
Thank you for writing to us. Your story is clearly very complex and there are many factors relevant to your depression and to your treatment.
I think the most important thing for you to do is to find a clinician you can trust and with whom you can work effectively. You talk in your letter about all the medication and treatment decisions you have made, but you don’t mention any help and guidance from experts. Clearly you must have seen doctors at various stages, but t sounds as if you feel you are making all the important treatment decisions by yourself (like weaning yourself off medications and doing Internet research to guide you). It is very important (vital) to be active in your own treatment and the internet can be a useful source of information, BUT nothing can replace a good treating relationship, within which you can do these things safely, knowing that you have someone with whom to discuss things along the way, and someone who will advise you based on their knowledge of the research and their experience of working with many people battling depression.
Medication treatment is only one part of tackling depression, yet it is the only one you mention – psychological strategies go hand in hand with medications, and they work best together. The vast majority of people with depression do get better, but if the depression has gone on for some time or there are many factors involved, then you can’t do it alone. You do need to find yourself a solid, reliable, trusting working relationship with at least one clinician. Some people find that they only need one (eg a GP), but many people find they do best when they have more then one (eg a GP + a psychiatrist). Some people find it useful to have a separate therapist or counselor as well, although the psychiatrist can often do this.
So I would strongly recommend you make that your job for the new year: to work on finding a treating team so you don’t feel you are trying to make all these very difficult treatment decisions alone and without enough information and guidance. If you don’t have a GP with whom you can work, then that’s the first job. After that, you need a psychiatrist you like and can talk comfortably with. Ask your friends for recommendations about a GP, and the GPs usually know who the best psychiatrists are near where they work. And if you need to see more than one to find out who suits you, then do that too. Once you have a more solid team working with you, these decisions won’t seem so impossible. There is no one magic anti-depressant medication that has no side effects, but most people are able to find one that suits them well – it will be different from person to person. But as well as finding the medication that suits you, you must find the psychological support and treatment that suits you too. I am certain that once you are in a treating relationship where you are not having to feel like you do all the work alone, you will find things move forwards more positively, even if it is gradual.
Good luck.