Overwhelmed and stressed
A page in the diary "Wot's crazy-ness"
Written by wotcrazyness Monday, 8 February 2010 23:35
Work still sucks in terms of the boss... More 'decrees' including a 'must attend, no leave to be granted' day trip to Sydney in May (6am to 7pm in a shared mini-bus, all of us who are left still standing). there is another 'must attend' excursion to Bateman's Bay for 3 days at the end of February. This is my second week of going to TAFE, so missing this is not something I want to do. I have also just nominated myself to attend my daughter's school camp in the following week. I can hardly miss 2/3 first weeks of TAFE, so I'm going to have to withdraw from the school camp, which she tells me with some happiness I will probably go on. So this is not going to be helpful to my relationship with my daughter!
And she's turned into a moody monster again, from the very first day back at school. I don't get it? She is getting enough sleep, fed enough and has enjoyed these first days back(as she tells it, anyway).
So I lost it tonight with her, yelled at her to go to her bedroom, stay there and not eat any dinner because she needs more sleep, quite obviously. I think she got the message because she snuck out, and brought in the washing before coming in and setting the table properly. (I caved and let her out from 'being locked up').
My hold on my own mood is rather tenacious at the moment... don't really know what's going on in the broader scheme of things.
Some financial stress with hubby not working on a budget but twice in the last 2 months leaving me with less than $50 in the bank account for his splurge buying, both times embarrassing me for not being able to pay (at least it wasn't the groceries, next on the agenda!). I've been hassling for this budget for several YEARS, but he won't commit: if there's money in the bank, there's enough in the budget! His laissez-faire attitude doesn't work easily with my pedantic approach to lists and planning, least of all in finances. But I leave most of it to him because I don't manage day-to-day paperwork well. I have put up with that approach, but it's not working at the moment. Of course this kind of (minor) financial stress results in relational stress. It seemed like we didn't agree on anything over the weekend.
Stress at work seems like a major factor, especially since it impacts on the hours I have to work to offset medical appointments, which are overwhelming at the moment anyway, to say nothing of the expense of the appointments and ongoing medications (Pap smear, flu clinic, podiatrist, (daughter's orthodontist), Ear/Nose/Throat, Psychiatrist, Endocrinologist... all within the month.) I sound like I'm falling apart at the seams medically and emotionally.
Final clincher at work today in terms of stress is that I had to sign over (again) permission for my interview records to be available to the problem person at work, who now sits in the office next to me and will be travelling with me (and many others in a coach). I have been told that the information won't be released until after then as a preventative measure should he get aggressive after reading them... but there is enough information to warrant a full-fledged investigation. Only a year later.
So, I can't believe it's still stressing me out physically, noticeably. I just want it to be all over. In the meantime, I want my wombat-hole to curl up into and ignore the world.