About depression Help for depression Anxiety Help For Relatives DepNet Community My Depression

Read diary

The Email I wish I had the guts to send

A page in the diary "The Whirlpool of Change"
Written by wild_rose Monday, 8 February 2010 14:27

I love you, you're my sister and love you I always will, you're family and that will always hold an impenetrable bond, you have helped me out in many ways for which I will always be greatful... But...

Why is it any form of commucication we have be it email or the phone you always bring up the topic of money that I owe you? Why can't we ever have a conversation where you don't bring up the topic of money that I 'owe' you and when I say I can't do it that I only have that much left to my name to get some fuel for my car and some food you demand that I hand it over even it means rendering me broke and leaving me without a way to get to work or without food and then when I still say I can't do it, you put me on a guilt trip saying that you need it really badly because you without it you can't get your medication and you've been without for 3 days now and your scared you'll have a seizure. Basically saying that if you have a seizure I'm the one to blame.

How is it my fault if you don't take responsilbilty for your own medication and allow your medication to run out? Oh but I don't understand what it's like to be on medication to stop seizures... That's true although I do exactly what it's like to be on medication that you can't run out of, remember in case your forgetting I'm on a mood stabilser and anti-depressant and if I stop the a/d within days I can feel myself plummeting and the uncontrolable urge to burst into tears, see my meds keep me stable and stop the deprssion taking hold of me again. So I do know what it's like to be on life changing meds. Why do I never run out? Simple because I always check how many I have left befor I get paid and if I need more of them I budget according. They take priority over EVERYTHING else, they have to, I need them to function.

One thing that frustrates me and hurts is I can go for a week without contact from you, but I always know that I'll at least hear from you the day before my pay day or on my pay day, then you try and make me feel bad by telling me all your financial woes, like your expecting me to offer you money. No wonder I have started to come to dread my pay day. Even though my pay day should be a day I look forward to with much anticipation because it my reward for working.

Maybe you really need to assess your financial situation do you really need your credit card? Or do you really need to go out as often as you do to get drunk with your mates? Maybe if you didn't go out one weekend you could afford your medication? Would I demand money out of you or anybody for that matter for my medication and then make them feel guilty if they couldn't do it? NO, I'd never dream of it because I would deem it my own stupidity for not being more responsile and budgeting for then.

You always complain that I don't always pick up the phone eveytime you call, but considering the conversation always leads to you wanting me hand over $50 for an electricity bill 2-3 months after I moved out for while I was living there, even though you yourself said the board I paid was incuding bills. Is it any wonder I don't always run to answer the the telephone knowing I'm going to cop a guilt trip because I'm refusing to hand ove my hard earned cash? Look at it this way would you always answer the phone to me if everytime I called I asked for money?

In the past few time you've made contact to discuss money, you have not once asked about how I'm going with work... I am running the risk of being made REDUNDANT, I am at risk of becoming unemployed, that alone has sent my stress levels sky high. I am facing unemployment, no job which means no money and your still hassling me about money. I have bigger issues to deal with right now.

You need understand I love you, you're my sister, but I can't keep doing this is does not help my state of mind, because I know exactly where the topic of conversation is going to lead and how worn out and bruised I will feel from the conversation.

I love you and I always will, but I just can't keep doing this it's tearing me apart inside and I need space. I need space from you and I'm sorry but unless you can call me or email me where the conversation doesn't lead to money, then please just don't contact me at all

I can't deal with it anymore, please understand I have to think of myself right now, with all that's going on with my job I'm stressed enough and with all you talk of me giving you money just adds to it and it's sending me straight down the shit chute and I'm sorry but I cannot and will not allow this to myselr I have fought too hard to make it this far just to fall now.

« Prev page | Next page »
 

Comments from the community :

Umm this is simplistic, but if you do owe her money then you must pay it back......in 20 dollar bits n pieces if you have to. Loans from family or friends take priority over all else except rent. Not everyone thinks this, they think the opposite that family and friends can wait, but this is absolutely not so unless you have their permission. Relationships are at stake......as you are already aware.

Written by  signpost, Monday, 8 February 2010 14:51

Stop allowing her to have power over your emotions, take the power back for yourself, send the damn email!
Oh, Jaffa has been sooking for you so I think you need to spend some time with her when you get home, she'll calm you down and give you lots of lovin.
And Flicker stands at the edge of my bed, wiggles her little toosh & quite confidently jumps off!

Written by  Gyps, Monday, 8 February 2010 14:56

I am aware of this, but this $50 is money for a bill that was suppose to be included in the board I paid her while living there. It was utilities included.

It wasn't until 2-3 months after I moved out that she decided to demand this out of me because she was having trouble paying her share of the bills because she was spending all her money on booze and pills, so then she decided to lob this one on me.

As far as I'm concerned is board incuding utilites, means including electricity and not demanding money months after someone has moved because it suits her

Written by  wild_rose, Monday, 8 February 2010 15:00

Nah hun, Jess lived there for 2 months and paid board, which included bills.
2 months AFTER she moved out, after Jess stopped lending her sis money EVERY payday coz her sis would stand over her and bully her into doing so, (and Im not talkin bout lending her just $50 but a coupla hundred or more) after Jess stood her ground and stopped that her sister realised she wasnt gonna get anymore outta Jess so then she came up with this $50 Jess supposedly owes her. Its the only bill her sis reckons she owes money for, the other bills havent been mentioned, so its just a load of shit to try and get money outta Jess coz her sis likes to take lotsa days off work and ends up losin her job every single time.
Jess was a cash cow to her sis but Jess' been holdin firm and refusin to support her sis any more hence the guilt trips.

Written by  Gyps, Monday, 8 February 2010 15:04

Oh, really my little Jaffy bum is missing me is she, well I'll have to make sure when I get home to steal her away for a little while and get some cuddles and company whilst I watch a movie in bed

Written by  wild_rose, Monday, 8 February 2010 15:05

Cash Cow...
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
:P

Written by  wild_rose, Monday, 8 February 2010 15:07

Send the email Jess

Written by  Gyps, Monday, 8 February 2010 15:09

The Net is difficult, I went off the first sentence in the second paragraph...I would tell her straight Do not ask me for money until at least 6 months, to break the habit...........

Written by  signpost, Monday, 8 February 2010 18:15

Hi Jess

When i was really bad i had to distance myself from some of the family so i could concentrate on me.

The way your sister is carrying on i think the best thing you could do is distance your self from her, as Gyps said, send the E-mail, at least you will then be able to concerntrait on you and not feel guilty for not responding to her calls or E-mails or txt.

Al

Written by  1Step, Monday, 8 February 2010 18:26

Heya,

I think its horrible your sister would act like this. It is HER responsibility to budget her money so she can afford medication. Not yours! Family or not, she has the opportunity each payday to put money aside for her meds, BEFORE she goes out partying. I think its pretty low that she would act like that towards her own sister. You didn't force her to go out and drink (or whatever) and spend all her money before she got her meds, right? Things like this, I have found that you have to put your foot down (I know its hard to do that with family but it has to be done) or else they will keep on doing it. You are a grown woman, you can budget well and you should decide when to pay her back. Doesn't matter if she's family or not... you are a human being. You deserve that respect.

I know it's hard but I agree that you should send this email! Some people need a bit of a wake up call.. I'm pretty big on the concept of respect and she needs to respect that you will do what you want with your money and not give it to her just because she decided that her medication wasn't as important as partying (or whatever she spends it on).

Sounds a bit full-on I know but you might find (as I did) that when you put your foot down, people will start to take notice. :) Don't let it slip just because she's family!

Written by  Deleted_User, Tuesday, 9 February 2010 22:31