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Just need to talk

A page in the diary "Hannah's ramblings :) "
Written by hjones Sunday, 7 March 2010 21:19

I want to thank you guys for caring, im sorry im not really able to help you guys much, but soon I will get better and be able to. I just want to ramble on abit. Trying to put things together. Finally have a cell phone again, have been really lost without it. Now I can txt and call people and especially when I get low. Have been enjoying performing arts and it has been hard too. I lack confidence and cant do the part in the musical I was supposed to do but still have another part to play. My tutor said in front of the whole class, im tense and just cant relax that is why Im always too fast in the excersises. Its true, I need to learn to relax. I think im really hard on myself well that is what another lady at the course said, im afraid there is something wrong with me that when people find out what it is they are not going to like me anymore and yup. Its been kinda stressful lately, I have been seeing things that are not there, but my key worker says that they are going to review my meds, and that is scary because I don’t want to be put on anything more. But she said that because of the way im talking about the things I saw means im not sczophinic. I have been having a lot of money problems too, even though I work as much as I can which is only weekends, have been having problems with my student allowance. Its really hard when you have no money. My friends all seem to say to me well Hannah that’s life, its stressful you just have to learn to get on with it. Maybe im just focusin on all the wrong things but I get overwhelmed and feel like if that’s what my friends say then why do I struggle so much with just normal life? Why cant I just get over things and keep going? I blame myself, I should be able to do better…sorry for the ramble. Thanks for letting me chat :)

Comments from the community

Hannah you sound very insightful and strong! Try not to compare yourself too much to everyone or think how they are thinking about you. Most people are thinking about themselves and really aren;t probably analysing you nearly as much as you think they are.
Awesome that you are involved in performing arts! I would love to but Im freeze in front of a medium size group of people! Do they teach you relaxation techniques in preparation for a performance? I wish you all the best with your med review xx

Written by triki, Monday, 8 March 2010 14:41

hi Hannah,

You don't know what other ppl may think. They probably spend little or no time thinking about your character or state of health. Deal with what you have to deal with. We upheld you here last Thursday. I hope things get better for you soon.

Written by TerryN, Monday, 8 March 2010 16:43

Hannah,

You can always come to Depnet to vent...

Part of our recovery is being able to look on the right side, to really love and appreciate ourselves. If you can take a part of the day and say - yes that was good, even if that is only with something really simple - like you turned up to your musical call. Being there is great! Turning up is half the battle.

Come back and let us know how your day was. Be strong, and be proud of your achievements! Remember, small positives each day!

Deppie HUGZ,

Bob

Written by chordsinger, Monday, 8 March 2010 19:47

Thanks guys for the comments and support. Yup triki, they are teaching us yoga etc to relax. I really love yoga. We did the musical segment and it went really well, I kinda expected to mess up but didn’t, and got a lot of positive feedback from my tutor. I actually forgot that I posted this lol, but still haven’t had a meds review, been too busy at course to have an appointment, on the whole I feel like I am getting better but have a jazz exam this week, but they say no one has ever failed it before. Had abit of a situation about my meds yesterday, the chemist was shut that I normally go to and so I had to go and get an emergency dose, but forgot I had to pay extra cuz It was an emergency and didn’t have the money so had to borrow it off a friend from course who was staying with me, she found out it was for depression, which I find really awkward cuz I just don’t tell people, and don’t know how she will be now that she knows.I really just need to learn to move on with stuff ae. Went over to see a friend today and she has been a really good friend, but now she is saying that her life is going in a diffent direction (she is religious) and if mine isn’t going the same we cant be friends anymore.that kinda sucks. Aww man I always have such long entries.sorry.

Written by hjones, Sunday, 14 March 2010 17:02

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