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AM, I am sorry you are not being treated properly. One way to look at it is Thank God now you know he is an arsehole. Years ago I was madly in love with a pathological liar and when we broke up it hurt, I carried on to a friend and said "we were gonna get married boo hoo" as you do, and he said "well aren't you lucky you didn't do that!" He was so right, I shut up after that.
Now I am not into debates re termination, but you do yourself no favours thinking of a bunch of cells as "a kid". A potential child yes, but not now. It is a microscopic bunch of cells, really....
Contraception and responsibility in future will be what will get you through, not making this mistake again, because it does hurt emotionally, but to be honest, the majority of women I know have had a termination at some point.
Those who do so lightheardedly and remake the same error I see as unthinking, uncaring and maybe even soulless individuals. But, you are a kid and entitled to a mistake and not have it ruin your life, in my view.
If you are concerned about God, it is what is in your heart which counts.....that you are not flipping this off is enough, again in my view.
I hope you are getting counselling re this issue, and screw the b/f, or more truthfully don't. But, men do not like women who become pregnant without agreement, which is fair enough, and though it hurts, you know where you stand.
Be okay, okay?....

Written by signpost, Wednesday, 10 March 2010 14:19

Oh you poor, poor girl. Every option you are faced with sounds hard. You will get through this hard, hard time. And when you do you will be so much wiser and older. How I feel for you.

Your "supportive bf" sounds like a total fuckwit. It's good that you know where you stand with him and that he is out of the equation.

What adds to the difficulty of your situation is your own background. I am sure that makes your decision so much more confusing and emotional.

It is so hard when making a mistake has such big consequences. We all stuff up but normally the consequences aren't so significant. You really, really need to seek professional therapy.


If you do go down the termination path it will help if you can acknowledge grief. Grieving will help you move on even if you do view the feotus as a "microscopic bunch of cells". It is hard not to avoid thinking about the "what it could have been".

Unless you have friends who you really trust I would not recommend telling them what you are going through. So many people have very strong views on abortion

Written by Masquerader, Monday, 15 March 2010 13:55

(accidently posted my comment without finishing)
Cont'd...

Monk, please remember there will be more good times. You are really hurting now for many, many reasons... but you will get through it. Even though it will take time for the deep hurt to subside - it will.

I am glad I survived my late teens. It can be a really hard age to be. One of the hardest aspects about that age is that when you are going through hard times they seem to last forever and for me I didn't have enough life experience to know that the really bleak times don't last forever.

Hang in there, try to be kind to yourself, seeking counselling, acknowledge the grief.


One more thing.. as well as grieving for the "what if's" of the feotus you will probably grieve for the little girl you used to be. What great big, hard grown-up decisions to be facing.

((((((((HUGS))))))))

Written by Masquerader, Monday, 15 March 2010 14:09

Being pregnant is very hormonal and emotional at the best of times, especially in the beginning - even for woman who are stoked about their pregnancies.

Written by Masquerader, Monday, 15 March 2010 14:14

Hey Monk - I'm still thinking about you. I hope you are okay.

Written by Masquerader, Thursday, 18 March 2010 21:18