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The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.

A page in the diary "Running with several pairs of scissors..."
Written by Oubliette Friday, 12 March 2010 08:45

one of my ex's decided to sms me out of the blue last night and then go on to ask who i was because I was in his call log..I simply said 'lol...don't contact me again *name withheld* :) ever." and he starts tying to abuse me and then brings up sex and now that's all I ever was to him.

I'm not a bad person...I don't do bad things to people...I drove an hour last night just to help another ex of mine who I'm still friends with..because he was in need...I would do that for anyone I know...anyone who needs help...I don't deserve...this....fuck, maybe I do..I don't even know anymore...

Yes, I have a history of eating disorders and yes I'm slipping back into it all...so what?...I see no point to it anymore....

My whole life has been spent pleasing others...the second I think I might actually know what I want to do...I fuck it up...it's like I subconsciously and continuously...want myself to fail.

lol....even my coffee fails...soy milk curdles....makes pretty patterns though...

Tried to serve myself too much breakfast this morning...I'm onto myself though...I threw half of it in the bin...I know what's going on...I wont allow it...need to stay strong....what else is left?

Comments from the community

Well your ex is a nasty jerk, playing text games. Probably addicted to text. So, good he is your ex.
You are a good person but this does not make us immune to other's crap. The trick is getting rid of it the minute you recognises it. Recognising it is not too hard....
If you have an eating disorder, and clearly you are somewhat fascinated with food and weight, why not try Jenny Craig, they know the eating thing better than any Psych so far as I can see.
There is no such thing as too much breakfast when you are not talking bacon and eggs. I wish someone in your life could make this clear to you.

Written by signpost, Friday, 12 March 2010 16:09

Hi oub,

Just came across a service for ppl with eating disorders: http://www.recoveryourlife.com/index.php?categoryid=47

Hope you can work things out.

Written by TerryN, Friday, 12 March 2010 16:19

Hi O
You are not a bad person. You seem like a very good friend. The opinions of ex boyfriends (especially this one) is not a very accurate way to measure our worth. i'm sure the ex you drove for an hour last night to support thinks your a wonderful human being. You certainly do not deserve this crap from your ex. I believe you need to learn to value who you are. When we feel good about who we are, we no longer want to sabotage ourselves. The journey towards self acceptance is a very long and challenging one. But it starts with seeking help. You are a good person, i just know it. You deserve to learn to value and cherish who you are. You can learn this, but none of us can do this on our own. Please, hon, get help before this goes too far.
All my love
OOTB

Written by outoftheblue, Friday, 12 March 2010 19:19

Make sure you please yourself! You have earnt it! As for SMS, if someone cant speak to you they are hiding. Short quick messages ok, but then to go on with personal stuff is just not on.

You are ok, you are worthwhile!

Deppie HUGZ,

Bob

Written by chordsinger, Saturday, 13 March 2010 17:39

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