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Today I made a big step into recovery. I went to the doctors and explained to them how I have been feeling for the last couple of months. They prescibed me another antidepressant - Pristiq 50mg - that I have to take for 2 weeks then go back to see the doctors. They also have referred me to a mental health team at the local hospital which they will get in contact with me tomorrow. They were really understandable and helpful for me which is what I really needed out of them - I putted going to the doctors off so many times because I was afraid anxious and really nervous. But now I see that there was no need to be scared and nervous. After that I was so glad that I went and so thankful that I was smiling.
How I got to that big step is another story thou. I have been telling some people at work how I have been feeling and most of people that I have been telling understands how I feel because they have been through it. I told them that I had no point to live, that I wanted to end my life, and for the first time yesterday at work I was showing that I was depressed and sad. I couldnt shake off the feeling. I just wanted to go home. I have no motivation at all to do anything. A few people asked if I was ok but I told them I wasnt ok and that I was depressed. They were really worried about me. They were so worried about me that they called a work boss that is like a mother to the place and told her about me and how I have been feeling. They shared and talked about some of their stories and it helped to talk about it. After work I went home and I just sat in the car just staring into nothingness and just thinking of nothing. I didnt have the motivation to move a muscle. I was so sad and depressed and didnt care about anything. Today I called in sick to work because I didnt have the emotional strength to go to work and also because I wanted to see the doctor. I got a phone call from the person that they called and she already made an appointment for doctor to see me. She came with me to the doctors appointment for moral support and that really helped.
I realise that I have people who care about me and who wants me to have my quality of life and to be happy in life. Work is supporting me so much these days that I am so grateful for. I just needed a push and support into helping myself get better..