A test of your friendship

We've said before that depression can put a strain on your relationships. As a friend becomes depressed you may find changes in their:

• Energy
• Vitality
• Humour and fun
• Brightness and wit
• Interest in events and people (including you)

These may be replaced by:

• Fatigue
• Apathy
• Melancholy
• Disinterest in almost everything.

They might even get irritable and reject you. You may be tempted to say to yourself, "Well, OK, if that's the way you want to be, buzz off." "I don't need or deserve this."

There is an old saying that "A friend in need is a friend indeed." A person who is depressed needs someone to turn to and hold on to when nothing else seems to make sense in their lives. They need someone who will care for them unconditionally and who is willing to see them through some tough times.

But there are other sorts of "friends."

• There are those who stand back when the going gets rough. At best, they do no harm.
• There are those people who tend to congregate in the pubs and clubs where they go to try to "drown (or drug) their sorrows." This "self-medication" of the pain and heartache of depression is all too common but only adds to the problem.
• There are even "predatory friends." These people like to manipulate and control others. They like vulnerable people. Worst of all, these "false friends" can displace real friends.

As a real friend, this displacement might be the greatest possible test of your friendship. Ignore this apparent rejection. As the person is healed of depression, the relationships based on the "depressed person" tend to wither, while relationships with people who like the healthy person often grow stronger.

Treatment for depression does not make people "all the same." Far from it. As depression lifts, the real qualities of the person re-appear and are expressed naturally.