My story

I Have A Black Dog...

Written by _xtinaz_

I have a black dog
Hes getting quite big

I have a black dog
Hes taught me bad tricks

I have a black dog
Hes immune to medication

Hes been with me always
Im getting impatient

When hes sick im forever free
Till the pain bounds back and hope drains from me

Im allowed him at school, at work and in bed
I can hear his moods, the darkness just spreads

When i feed him, most days he gets full
Hes a fat lil thing that wont stand still

He growls at me when i eat infont of him
Hes forever reminding me of my 'food is a sin'

Hes good on a lead but sometimes im weak
I let him run off and control my whole week

I treat him with guilt, my lil dog loves me
When i cower away and attack my own body

He wont let me eat, he wont let me hope
He teaches me bad things to help me cope

I stroke him some days and smile at him
Wouldnt it be good if i were so thin?

He licks my fingers when ive hurt myself
To rid of the evidence i must not get help

When i feel laughter, black dog bites at my toes
I hold it all in and bottle my woes

Sometimes i attack him, he just gets in the way!
But i must remember hes only trying to play

When i look in the mirror all i see is him
Hes the reason i have to be thin

I love my dog dearly, hes been my only friend
Hes the only one who knows me from beginning to end

He barks when im listening to the positive things
He whimpers when i tell him to bring me to an end

Instead of outside he sleeps in my bed
To be quite honest hes all in my head...

He has great powers that i leave in supression
I have a black dog, his name is depression.

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Sometimes i think my black dog is learning new ticks. My eating issues are far more severe than when i was diagnosed last year. I thought i had made him obedient but the anxiety side is coming back. Im not sure what is going to happen but i dont want to tell anyone - i want, need to lose weight! 27/01/2008