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The question was submitted 07/06/2008

Subject: Depression

I have been separated now from my husband for just over 12 months. We have a 19 year old son he lives with me. My husband and I were together for 19 years and for the couple of years before our separation i was feeling that there was not a strong bond in our relationship and he said he felt the same way but not as strongly as I did. I was feeling quite anxious about my feelings as I felt that because our son was growing up we were growing apart. Then i started to feel anxious that I am approaching my 40th birthday which will be next year. I went away on a holiday for a couple of days and had decided to get in touch with some old friends from who I knew from high school and they had to move interstate and one of them was my 1st love so when I saw him again I had alot of memories come flooding and very strong feelings that then led to us continuing having contact by phone for awhile when I had returned until his wife found out. I do see a doctor for my depression and she had said that I had a manic episode with what happened when I had meet up with these friends because the feelings were overpowering. Which led to me believing that i was going to end up with this other man so i then decided to separate with me husband. Now my son and I's relationship is falling apart he has little or no time for me and that I am feeling quite rejected and confused? I am feeling that my whole life is just falling apart and that i don't feel confident anymore and I am feeling very lonley i do have family but they're busy with lives and that one of my family memebers i have not contact with her because of what happened with me over the mainc episode i had. And my family memebers also have depression becuase of our Mother who had it quite severly to which it resulted in her commiting suicide 27 years ago. Our father has passed away too. I have a few friends but the have their own lives as they have children too. I just can;t seem to get happy anymore and I feel as though I have stuffed up everything I feel such a loser and I feel that i won't ever find that happiness ever again because i feel like the depression has really got hold of me now and it keeps destroying my life because i feel so unhappy! Is this a natural response to what has happened with me over the past 12 months?

Answer from DepNet

Hello and thankyou for taking the time to write to us. From what you have written, a lot of very stressful events have transpired in the last few years of your life. It’s hard to say whether this collection of difficult issues has contributed to a possible manic episode or your current experience of depression, but it would be fair to say that for most people, important life events (such as separation and the death of a family member) have the potential to trigger both depression and manic episodes, and conversely, when we have mental health problems, our judgment in family and social matters, may be impaired. Either way, an important first step in feeling better, is to connect with an experienced health practitioner who can assess where you are now psychologically and emotionally, and talk to you about the steps to recovering.

You mentioned that you are seeing a doctor, and hopefully you feel comfortable to relate how you are feeling at present. He or she may also be able to refer you for specialist counselling, either with a psychologist or psychiatrist. These people are specially trained to support you in an ongoing way, and may recommend some medication to stabilise your mood and/or relieve your current symptoms of depression (particularly the despair and hopelessness) you allude to here.

Try to remember that getting better is a process that takes time, but feeling better and staying well and happy is the goal of treatment, and more often than not, the outcome that most people achieve. When you are feeling a little more settled in your mood, you may then be able to engage in some counselling that helps to re-build your self-esteem, and to feel confident again in relationships, and particularly the relationships with your son and your extended family. Not everyone will understand all that you have been through, but with time, you will probably be able to enjoy family company once again. In the meantime, while you are developing some skills, take good care of yourself, with a healthy diet and sleeping pattern, regular exercise, and spending time doing things that you enjoy (maybe gardening, movies, craft, hobbies, pets). All the best.

The answer was published on DepNet 24/06/2008