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The question was submitted 07/04/2008

Subject: how to cure love and care starvation?

I'm 43, male and I suffer from depression since I was 22. I also suffer from some OCD and anxiety. Only occasionally I had medications and professional help. I have regularly depression crisis and what I do is generally wait until the storm goes away, which fortunately is what generally happens.
I was deeply traumatised when my parents died and I was 9 and 12 yo. After that I was "raised" by an older brother and his wife until I went on my own at age 22. The separation from them, when I left my parents' home distressed, depressed and in a total lack of communication, was the traumatic event which triggered my depression.
I always expected from them the love and care that I never had and still today I'm deeply hurt, saddened and sometimes desperate at why I wasn't worth receiving it. I would have loved them with my whole heart but they never realised the occasion they had.
I'm embarassed, especially now after many years and now that I have a loving wife and 2 children, but I'm still unable to get over this deep wound and disappointment and I found myself thinking about my past every day.
I think this still affects and damages most of my relationships, my family, my self-esteem and my career.
Can I get over with my past and really move forward ?

Answer from DepNet

Thank you for your enquiry. It does sound as though things have been tough for you, yet despite that you do have a loving wife and 2 children.

After such a loss in childhood some can get over it themselves while others really benefit from some psychotherapy.

To begin with, it is hard to work on personal issues if you are too depressed, or bogged down with OCD. Both of these can be helped with medicines and with talking and behaviour therapy. It is not enough to just get better. You need to stay well.

If you respond to medicines you need to stay on them for at least a year after recovery to reduce the risk of relapse. If you have relapsed before and respond to medicines you may need to be on them for 2-5 years.

With your depression and OCD improved, if you still have issues you are in a better situation to work on them.

While your local general practitioner is a useful starting point, you may be better off at this stage with more specialised help from a psychiatrist, possibly aided by a psychologist.

If you are feeling better you may be in a better position to move forward in your life.

I hope you do work on these issues to overcome them and feel better.

All the best with these tasks.

The answer was published on DepNet 08/04/2008