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The question was submitted 03/04/2008

Subject: Depression

Hi, my husband is suffering depression and won't go to the doctor. He has suffered depression for over 3 years now and it comes and goes but lately it is so often that I don't know what to do. My teenage son is having a lot of problems and this is setting my husbands depression off. What can I do to get him treated? I am finding it very hard coping with my son and husband. Our family life is disintergrating into nothing and I am losing both of them.
Please help.
Karen

Answer from DepNet

Dear Karen, thank you for writing to us and expressing your concerns. The issues that you raise, supporting a loved one with depression, and assisting other affected family members, are very important, and are shared by many people. From what you say, you have been struggling for a considerable time without helpful intervention. Recognising that you and your family need some help is an important first step. Take a moment to affirm yourself for seeking assistance.

Firstly, and maybe paradoxically, I would encourage you to take good care of yourself. You are probably assuming additional responsbilities at home, if your spouse is unwell. Try to preserve good sleeping and eating patterns, and take time to do some gentle exercise and to socialise as you normally would. These steps, while they may seem small, are significant in maintaining your personal wellbeing. Source some extra support for yourself, by talking to your GP. He or she may be able to suggest some strategies to assist you directly (including individual counselling or referral to a support group), and may be able to assist in dealing with your teenage's sons current problems. The net effect of these efforts may be that you feel better in yourself, and that your son has some external professional support. It may also be worthwhile speaking to the counsellor at your son's school (if that is applicable) to help resolve some of his difficulties.

Regarding your spouse, it may be helpful for him to know that you are seeking some help for the family as a whole, and that it would be beneficial if he could participate in the process of the family seeking help. In this situation, a trusted GP or trained counsellor is an invaluable resource. They usually like to see people together and individually, to enable their recommendations to be relevant. Medicare currently provides for some counselling services with a psychologist to be bulk-billed or subsidised significantly.

Your GP, or a counsellor, may also be able to provide you with some helpful tools - written information or DVD's are freely available - that deal with depression and its treatment. The important message is that depression can happen to anybody and that effective treatments are available, even if the depression has been present for a long time. Sometimes people defer seeking help because of their own or other's perceptions about depression. Fortunately, our community is much more aware of depression and is much more accepting of this as a common illness requiring treatment. Once effectively treated, your husband can look forward to a more positive future, that includes a happier family.

I wish you all the best.

The answer was published on DepNet 09/04/2008