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The question was submitted 01/04/2008

Subject: Am I imagining that I have depression?

I am female, 27 and have had clinical depression for about 6 years. There is a history of depression in my family. My mother was depressed throughout my childhood, although I didn't realise this until I was at university and had the chance to reflect.

Anyway, I take one zoloft tablet a day and most days I feel okay. Other days I feel terrible and on great days I think I must have imagined the whole thing and that nothing is really wrong with me.

I see a psychologist from time to time who helps me deal with my inter racial/different religious marriage and the ramifications making the decision to marry this man has had on my life.

I guess my question is, is it normal when you're feeling terrific to feel that you imagined being depressed all those days and it can't have possibly happened to you?

Also, my memory has been woeful since taking zoloft. If you asked me what I did two days ago, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Is that normal?

Thank you for your help.

Answer from DepNet

Thank you for your inquiry.

Many people who are no longer actually depressed find that their mood still varies a lot from day to day. This may mean that you are not yet fully recovered, but it might also be the normal day to day variation in mood that people experience, even if they have never had depression.

If you suspect that you might not be fully recovered (eg you still feel miserable for much of the day, on many days, or very black and despairing when your mood is low), it is important to see your doctor and discuss whether or not you would benefit from further treatment.

Many people find that on days they feel quite well, they cannot recall what it was like to feel miserable. And that on days they feel thoroughly miserable, they cannot recall what it was like to feel happy and optimistic.

If you find that on the days you feel low you cannot recall what it was like to feel well (even if it is just ‘normal’ mood ups and downs), it is important to see your doctor and discuss how to develop strategies to help you remember what it was like to feel happy, even when you feel dreadful. Such strategies are often taught by psychologists and are useful to help you prevent a relapse of the depression.

You say that you have a psychologist whom you see “from time to time”. It may be useful to go back and see him/her for a series of sessions to deal with these two issues above, as well as with the ongoing relationship difficulties you experience.

The question about memory and medications needs to be discussed with your prescribing doctor. All medications have the potential for side effects and it is often very useful to work through in detail what you are experiencing to see if it could be caused or worsened by your treatment. On the other hand, it could be due to your depression having not resolved fully, so you will find that only your doctor (perhaps assisted by your psychologist) can really help you sort it out.

Thank you for using Depnet and I hope this information is helpful. Good luck.

The answer was published on DepNet 07/04/2008