The question was submitted
01/11/2007
Subject: My Husband (severe depression)
What can I do to help him and myself,from drifting apart
Answer from DepNet
Hello, and thankyou for taking the time to write to us. Your concern, living with and caring for a loved one with depression, and managing its impact, is a common issue.
Firstly, considering your husband, it's important to be reminded that depression is an illness, from which the great majority of people recover. The recovery process can be helped by caring professionals, and prescribed medication, in addition to talking therapies and lifestyle changes. Knowing that there is positive path ahead, can be a relief to family members and friends of a person suffering from depression, and this knowledge can give everyone (your husband included) hope for a happier future.
A person who is experiencing a depressive illness may have difficulty enjoying things they once previously enjoyed, lack motivation or feel hopeless about the future, isolate themselves socially, cry easily, eat or sleep more or less, have reduced libido, or be irritable or angry. Living in close proximity to a depressed person, therefore, can be practically and emotionally very challenging. Reminding ourselves that depression is an illness, with a most likely positive outcome, can significantly reduce our anxiety. Hopefully, your husband has connected with a GP, or other trained professionals, who can help steer his recovery and relieve you of the therapy burden. One of the best ways that you can assist your partner is to remind him of the professional support he has around him, and encourage him to comply with medication or other treatment suggestions.
Secondly, this is an important time to take good care of yourself. Very often, partners or carers of ill family members become overwhelmed by the demands of the "patient" and their illness. The associated fatigue often leads to anger and resentment, and "drifting apart". Part of your own safety brief, should be to pay special attention to your own sleep, diet and exercise. Talk with your GP if you feel your own health is compromised, and maybe ask to see a counsellor with whom you can share your fears or concerns about your relationship. Make time in each day or week to do something you enjoy; even a walk in park or a movie with a girlfriend can be quite refreshing, and energise you at a trying time.
Thirdly, let your partner know that you are supportive of him at this time, and want to remain close into the future. Try to be patient with the recovery process, but have an expectation that your husband will comply with his treatment plan. Explain that doing some pleasurable things for yourself, is helping to maintain your relationship in the longer term. Maybe suggest some activities that you can do together: these may seem small at the start, when your partner's concentration and motivation are low, (eg listening to music you both enjoy), and might progress (eg to going out together for a coffee or visiting a special place or friends), once your husband's confidence and energy levels recover a little.
Your husband is fortunate that you are thinking positively about the practical steps that can be taken to preserve your relationship. All the best.
The answer was published on DepNet
12/11/2007