The question was submitted
07/10/2007
Subject: teenage depression
My daughter is 15yrs old and has suffered with depression for about 3yrs.She was given an anti-depressant back then, but we stopped this as it made her sleepy.Last year, her Grandfather sexually assaulted her, and she went through a stage of wearing jumpers during summer to hide herself. She refuses any sort of help, and won't charge the man. She suffers with low self esteem.For about two months now, she also has trouble sleeping, her school work is being affected and now she tells me she is seeing things that aren't really there. It can be things like fire, or a creature, but is disturbing to her. She also feels at times as though she has the shakes.My daughter point blank refuses to get any sort of help. We have had councilling before through the Mental Health department and to be completely honest, it was a waste of time.As a mother who has suffered depression for 30yrs, it truly didn't help and now this has put her off seeing anyone at all. Is there any advise you can give me that may help my daughter to want to help herself please?
Answer from DepNet
Thank you for writing to us. There are three main points I would like to make.
(1) The first is, that your daughter really does need some help, and it would be better for her to get it sooner than later. If you are able to convince her to see someone, then I strongly urge you to do so.
Perhaps you have a GP she likes and trusts where she could start? If not, perhaps you could find her a teen-friendly GP, who would be able to develop trust with her, and work from there. Many GPs have a particular interest in young people and may have extra qualifications in adolescent medicine. It may be worth asking around, or getting her to ask her friends whom they see and like. The MOST important first step in finding definitive psychological help for her is to find someone she trusts who can work with her.
Other places to look for support in this respect are the school counselor or a specialized community mental health team for teenagers, which could be called the ‘child and family’ team or the ‘adolescent team’ or something similar (the name varies between regions). Your local doctor will be able to advise you on what is available where you live and to help you access it.
(2) The second is not instead of the first. It is as well as getting psychological help, or as another strategy for helping her, if she continues to be reluctant to see a doctor, counselor, therapist etc (yet).
I would encourage your daughter to do develop the activities that give her pleasure. Ideally such activities would develop a skill, involve a network of others, have some older people involved to give some guidance, and develop her community. If she likes to sing, perhaps she could join a choir or become involved in a musical at school. If she likes to dance/paint/sculpt, perhaps she could start classes. If she enjoys exercise or sport, perhaps she could join a local team. If she is interested in nature, perhaps she could get involved with a conservation group. These activities may be based at her school, the community centre, run by your local Council etc.
Such an activity will serve many functions. It will build her self-esteem and self-confidence, and help her see herself as a competent, talented, interesting person who has much to offer. She will develop a new network of friends, who may be different from the kids she sees each day at school. She will widen her horizons, be active and gain a sense of achievement. She will have a level of mental and physical stimulation she may be lacking if she is depressed and not doing much. Such activities will lift also directly her mood.
(3) The third is perhaps the most important. Never underestimate the value of your love and care. Just being there for her, supporting and encouraging her, letting her know you will be there for her no matter what, offering your help and encouragement – all these things from a mother are enormously valuable.
Even if you can’t encourage your daughter to do what you think she needs to do to help herself, just BEING there for her through these very difficult weeks and months is helpful, and gentle encouragement may eventually enable her to accept your advice. Very little matters as much for a teenager as a loving, patient, loyal parent, who is able to ‘hang in there’ during the challenging times ….
Good luck.
The answer was published on DepNet
09/10/2007