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Hi kcdbooks..
Well what to write, without stepping over the mark.. I wish i could answer your questions, but i cant.. I wish i could answer why your mother drinks.. Is it something she cant control, much the same way many of us cant control our own thoughts and actions.. I dont know.. I feel your pain, and i wish i could make it go away, but i cant..
the only comment i will say, is you have to be comfortable with your own descision, as when she is gone from this life it is too late for regrets..
One thing i do know, is I as a father, inflicted some mental wounds on my children, as i could not sort myself out.. I am one of the lucky ones, i seem to have found a direction in my life, small as it may be, and only now i am trying to recify what i have done, and show my kids the love and respect they deserve..
I hope this doesnt come out wrong..
I t comes from my heart as a parent who lost his way..
Hope this makes sense..
I'll send you a big hug, and hope it makes you feel better..
Les

Written by les, 25. Jun 2005 03:57 AM

hey kc,
the important descions are always the harder ones. make your descion on whats right for you. its hard to love someone but at the same time not care a bit about them. been there before. your still a very good writter! hope you work a few things out soon :) have a good weekend and hang in there!
love manda

Written by mandoushh, 25. Jun 2005 05:35 AM

Dearest KC,

Have you ever tried to express as you have done in your diary these feelings to your Mum?

Could you write her a letter?

I'm so deeply sorry KC that your Mother continues to hurt you in this way. She is missing out on a WONDERFUL relationship with a BEAUTIFUL daughter.

I will light a candle for you tonight KC and send you MUCH SUPPORT,STRENGTH,HOPE,LIGHT & LOVE.

(((((((((((((((((((((KC)))))))))))))))))))))

Written by Anonymous, 25. Jun 2005 04:42 PM

Hey les and manda,

Thanks for your comments - feeling a bit better today. It's perfect weather to stay inside and read a book!

Take care and thank you,
kcdbooks

Written by kcdbooks, 25. Jun 2005 04:42 PM

Hi Honey

I have no words for your entry, just some pretty deep feelings for you in your time of despair and obvious heartache.

I am thinking of you very much. Please try to do something nice for yourself soon. Even if it's buying some choccy or icecream, or something little. Picking a beautiful flower maybe.

Lots of good vibes to you xxxx

Written by TheWall, 25. Jun 2005 08:26 PM

Dear Kcd..
you were one of the first on here that made me feel I'd come to the right place to continue my journey to self enlightenment and acceptance.
It breaks my heart that I can not ease what pains you so much but I think its important that you know I'm challenged with the same doubts about what should I do in the now, so I dont have deeper issues to deal with when certain events prevail, as they have for time eternal.
This type of thinking is not bad in fact it is very healthy, because it helps us find the strength to do what we can now, and accept we have done our best in the future.

There comes a time in all our lives, we must stop and say, I am, I have done my best, and I will rejoyce, and allow myself some joy.
You my sweets, shall not regret your efforts, for the tears you shed now, for all you have done and coped with will be rewarded, so keep your eyes and mind open, so you dont miss it when it comes.
Bless your sweet soul and temporally sad heart.
Luv Chy xx

Written by Chy, 26. Jun 2005 04:43 PM

Hey there Shelley, Wall and Chy,

Hope you guys are doing well and continuing to progress on your journies to health.

Thank you very much for your comments - they are all so helpful and enlightening.

I am feeling pretty good today - hope that you are all doing well too.

I get some blood tests back tomorrow - I am almost hoping that it is hypothyroidism, because it would be the solution to so many symptoms. I can hardly stand the wait.

Anyways, take care and thank you.
kcdbokks

Written by kcdbooks, 27. Jun 2005 04:14 PM

"Hi":) KC,

I wish you all the VERY BEST out come with your blood tests. Please let us know how you are.

MUCH SUPPORT & LOVE.

XOXO

Written by Anonymous, 27. Jun 2005 08:05 PM

"Your in my thoughts KC". "Wishing you all the VERY BEST".

MUCH SUPPORT,STRENGTH,HOPE,LIGHT & LOVE.

XOXOXO

Written by Anonymous, 29. Jun 2005 03:55 AM

Hey Shelley,

Thanks so much for your thoughts.

Blood tests came beack yesterday, everything seems pretty ok, except that my stored iron levels are low. Just means that I take a pill once a day. No big deal - it could be worse. I guess, though, that doesn't explain why im still feeling so crap. Hmmmmmm.

Ok, well thanks Shelley.

kcdbooks

Written by kcdbooks, 29. Jun 2005 07:10 PM

"Hi" :) KC,

Oh THANKS for getting back to me :)

I'm so glad that it is nothing serious. Well
by having low iron levels that would leave you feeling pretty crappy. Give the tabs a couple of weeks, hopefully you see some improvement.

Take good care of your WONDERFUL SELF :)

MUCH SUPPORT & LOVE

XOXO

Written by Anonymous, 30. Jun 2005 12:53 AM

im crying for you now.
you have been thru so much hugs do not make it better they just wrap a thin gauze over your open wound.
Cry for you
Cry for us
cry for the world's sadness
and if anyone says stop
say know this:
you do not know me
and i do not know you
all we know is a face we show to the world
so let me be

let it be.
jo

Written by midnightcomes, 7. Jul 2005 06:50 PM

Hey jo,

Thanks so much for your comment.

Hugs may only be a thin layer of gauze, but where would we be without that? Thank you.

Hope you are well.

Take care,
kcdbooks

Written by kcdbooks, 8. Jul 2005 12:16 PM