Playing Her Game
A page in the diary "The Words Behind My Tears"
Written by kcdbooks 18. Apr 2005 01:49 AM
Hey there deppies,
I just wanted to say that I am on holiday in Cambodia and having the time of my life!! So much suffering has been endured by these people and it makes me put mine into perspective. So many of these people are living in abject poverty, wondering whether or not they will see another day. Visiting here has given me an appreciation for the great gifts that I have. I am so lucky to have a roof over my head and another meal when needed.
I just thought that I would share with you some of my learnings from this trip. I think that often times a little time away from the hustle and bustle of city life can do a world of good.
Having said all of this, I am so worried about going back to Australia. It has been so easy for me to put all of my problems in the backseat and appreciate the beauty, but I am afraid that hiding these inner emotions will come back and bite me sometime soon. I am so worried about having to deal with my mother again,and play all of her games. I am not looking forward to hiding her secrets and tiptoing around her problems. I am not looking forward to having to experience all of these uncomfortable emotions again - I am so ready for it to all be over.
In the back of my head is the same question, "how much longer?". This questions continues to haunt me and I just can't see myself continuing. I am so sick and tired of playing her games - I want it to be my game now - but I can't. I just have to keep going. I just have to keep wading through. I just have to keep grinning and bearing it, hoping that one day something will change.
Take care on you journies to health,
kcdbooks