The Secret
A page in the diary "The Words Behind My Tears"
Written by kcdbooks 19. Mar 2005 11:05 PM
The days are dark, and the nights not so much better. So little sleep, I feel like I am just surviving from day to day, waiting for it to be over.
I can't help but wonder, how much longer? How much longer can I keep feeling like this? How much longer can I keep going? How much longer until this is over?
I can't see the future, I don't know what lies ahead, and I'm scared. There is no security, there is no promise that I will be alright, there is no certainty that things will be ok, and that I will succeed.
How much longer can we keep ignoring the elephant in the living room? How much longer are we going to keep pretending that things are ok and that nothing is wrong? She is wasting away before our eyes, yet we have all lost perspective. We all keep the secret that everyone else knows.
There is the pain of secrets, the ultimate feelings of loneliness....is there no end? When can I feel normal? When will I be able to sleep soundly? When will I be able to say that I am normal? Maybe I will have to wait until she is dead. How much longer? How much longer can she keep going? What will the end be like for her. Already, I feel guilty for not saying something earlier, how will I live with myself when she is gone. The symptoms are so obvious, but no one wants to believe. Why haven't the doctors said anything? Could it all be an illusion?
Deppies, life is lost, but try to find it - there must be hope somewhere.
kcdbooks