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sometimes i think if the past didnt exist we would be so much happier. but then, we also couldnt learn from our mistakes.

it has taken me a long time to realize this and i still cant believe it, but the number one person in this world is you. you need to be true to yourself. fuck everyone else. live your life to the fullest, do things that make you happy. sometimes it would be so much easier to die then to live, but maybe we were given this illness to prove to ourselves that we are strong and can get through this. maybe we need this to make us the people we will be later in life. everything happens for a reason, though whoever decides on those things that happen is a bit whacked. i believe in fate and time. sweetie, i care about you so take care of yourself.

Written by the_flirty_1, 22. Aug 2004 10:51 PM

Cristina,
Hey there, I am so sorry that there is so much going on with your life. My heart feels like yours.

so much hurt, so much hate, so many lies, so many more lies, no one here to love me, no one to know how I am, many who run away, so much deception, not enough love,

take it one day at a time........I am because it is so overwhelming to know that this is how life is treating all of us in one way or another. Please know that we are all here to listen and I hope that I can give you decent advice. Smiles and Hugs!

Written by sweets29, 23. Aug 2004 07:50 AM

Cristina,

All of those emotions can be so very overwhelming I know... and they are a big part of depression, you can get through all of this thogh with some help. Seeing your doctor might be a good start he can put you on some medication to help level out your highs and lows, give you a more stable place to think from - they also helpto stop everything from just racing around your head a hundred miles an hour.. help to slot things in where they belong, so everything does not seem so very overwhelming!! Counselling is also a Really really good way of helping us to deal with all of those powerful emotions, it can also help us learn new ways of coping with some of those emotions and the situations that cause them to occur. You are definately not alone in how you feel.. and coming on here to get it all out in your diary is a great way of venting!! i know it's tough but just try and take it one little step at a time - think about getting a little help to get you through... we are all here to support you through this tough time.. kylie

Written by SmileyKylie, 23. Aug 2004 03:37 PM

Dear Cristina Ballerina,
I am sorry that you are having a hard time at the moment sweetheart.
I am thinking of you and sending you my love and support.
I hope you feel better soon.
I hope we all feel better soon.
Heavy hearts are so hard to carry.

I hope your load is lightened.
Try to keep your chin up. I know it's difficult to look life in the eye with so much pain to bear.

We all love you. We all care for you.

Written by image, 23. Aug 2004 05:12 PM

i remember feeling exactly like that at your age (i'm 23).
but believe me that as you get older you will meet new people, ones that you want to be around and the bitchiness wont be so bad.
you are just finding yourself and are at a huge turning point in your life.
at 15 i hated school, i had a largish group of friends. Now i own my own house have a great job and the most beautiful bunch of friends i could ever want. (only 1 from school, coz the others wernt woth the pain)
i take medication and am going through a tough patch. 8 years ago i would have been angry and ashamed. shut myself away and suffered.
now I look for a reason to try to get better, my friends, partner, family, nieces.... its hard but i do it. the feelings you have are real, believe that they are and confront them, do not let then consume you. you are in controll of everything.

Written by dreamer, 24. Aug 2004 02:15 AM

i love your post. its so refreshing to know that other can see such emptiness :) everyone else loved it too cuz they wrote replies! :) its almost a poem. yes its marvellous! i connect with it and i like it a lot. :) those could be some awesome lyrics. i wish i could write like that.

have you tried doing something new? like a new learning thing. sport or hobby .. anything - just start it and things will get moving again. yes/no/maybe?

Written by Anonymous, 24. Aug 2004 05:09 AM