why why why
A page in the diary "My Dairy"
Written by cristina 6. Aug 2004 12:12 AM
WHY! WHY THE HELL! WHY! WHY IS IT THAT WHEN EVERYTHING SEEMS FINE AND FLOWING ANOTHER ASPECT COMPLETELY CORRUPTS AND FUCKS UP FOR GOOD! ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR! TONIGHT I COOKED STUPID DINNER, I DID ALL THE KITCHEN HOUSE WORK, I WAS SO NICE TO EVERYONE... AND THEN MY MOTHER COMES IN AND STARTS YELLING AT ME- CALLING ME NAUGHTY, LAZY, A REBEL AMONGST SO MANY OTHER UNTRUE NAMES. I HATE HER! I HATE HER! ANOTHER PARENT THAT IS FUCKED UP. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE SHE SAID? "I BET YOU CURSED YOUR DAD... I BET YOU JINXED HIM TO GET THIS CANCER, ITS YOUR FAULT. I WOULD'NT BE SUPRISED. THE TROUBLE YOU'VE CAUSED IN THIS FAMILY FOR JUST BEING HERE- GO BECOME A WARD OF THE STATE. I DONT WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE. YOU'RE A BLOODY IDIOT. I HATE YOU" HOW CAN A FUCKING MOTHER SAY THAT TO HER FUCKING DAUGHTER? MY GOD, THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING FINE, SO GOOD... WHY THE HELL IS THIS SHIT EVOLVING NOW? I CANT HANDLE IT, I CANT HANDLE IT, ILL BREAK DOWN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL IF THIS CONTINUES, BECAUSE ITS NOT FAIR, IM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS SHIT, ITS JUST NOT FAIR ANYMORE. IM SICK OF FIGHTING TO SURVIVE. IM SICK OF LIVING IN THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. IM SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE CRAP. IM JUST SO FED UP! COMPLETELY FED UP!
ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR
im becoming so nervous, scratching my skin, tugging violently at my hair- anothing to extricate this pain from me. the tension is expanding, the anger, the pain, the sadness, the betrayal. i hate everything. i hate everyone. stupid fucked up world that we live in; i wasn't meant to be born. i wasn't meant to. stupid fucked up world. i hate myself. i hate everyone around me. i hate everything. there is literally nothing to live for anymore, nothing at all.
i might as well be dead.