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A page in the diary "My Dairy"
Written by cristina 6. Apr 2007 03:15 PM

i know the last thing everyone wants to hear is that im still with filipe. but i must talk about it, i really must.

I have not the strength, nor the courage to leave him at this point in my life. I can observe within myself exists a weakness, a destructive dependancy.

He has reduced me to the this level, no doubt.

Last night, it felt as thought i was another person, just watching this poor girl confusedly battle her emotions. i had no control. i had to merely respond obediently to him because my heart was tired of fighting.

we went out, and from the moment we got there if i spoke to a guy he would get furious and hiss in my hear "keep flirting babe, we'll see what happens", often twisting my hand and pushing me away from him viciously. even when i was speaking to my own cousin he said this, and i had to inform him it was my bloody cousin but he didn't believe me.

at one point i introduced him to some new friends and one of them called him a sleaze jokingly, because she noticed he was perving on another girl. when i was aware of this i too said it, jokingly of course, and for the rest of the night he didn't speak to me. childish? i think so.

in the car, i was hugging him and cuddling and begging him to tell me what was wrong. he was a little drunk, though not as much as he usually is. he banged his fists several times against the door and was pounding his forehead. i was so scared, i didn't understand how he could have so much pent up anger over nothing. at one point there were tears in his eyes, and i still don't know the reason why. is he angry at himself for what he's done with me? was he upset at me? i just don't know. though, i highly doubt he was angry at himself. he's not strong enough to acknowledge his flaws.

anyway he whispered in my ear "i just can't be with you alright, it's over". my body shook and my senses went numb. i knew he was tormenting me, he didn't mean it, i knew it, but i responded in the way he loved. i began crying. as soon as he saw the tears he cradled me and said "no babe, i love you, relax everything's going to be fine, you've just got to stop doing bad crap." i couldn't speak. what had i done? WHAT HAD I DONE? nothing. i was so powerless, it was unbearable. he knew he had the power. i was apologising and he was shaking his head and saying, 'i can't forgive you. i just can't. tomorrow night i'm going out , without you, and i will be around other girls. you won't stop me." it was psychotic. here he was, utilising this crazy power trip and inflicting pain on me in the process. i felt like i was back at the beach again, where for a week he abused me.

i started crying and yet again, the hugging. then suddenly, he began kissing me in the most vulgar way possible and making me touch him and acting so sexually crude that i almost vomited right there in the car. this was of course behind all his friend's back. i remember at this point going numb, i can't recall much (mind you i didnt touch a drop of alcohol all night because filipe would not allow it). but i do vaguely remember my eyes wide open in horror and disgust, wondering if i was in a dream, convincing myself i was, and letting him do whatever he wanted. afterwards feeling disgusted, and scared. my filipe? this was my filipe? no. it couldn't be. he promised he'd changed. he promised. how can he be worse? after everything. how?

before i left the car he said, "bye slut" and then hurriedly "just joking." i didn't look back.

i lay in bed last night, my body weak, my eyes despondent, my tears so sad..and held a hand against my heart for hours upon hours. i do not remember alot of what i was thinking because i have repressed this from my memory. but i do recall fantasising about living another life. this was the only thing that got me through to the morning.

i have surrendered.

--
an addittion

realised i have been suffering under filipe's pressure for four months. read over some diary entries saved to my comp and it seems that i am happy and content..then suddenly sky dive in november (last year) and no entry is cheerful after that. none. 0.

also, in these entries, the last positive entry titled - absolute happiness- was in october, before i met filipe.

on top of everything, found out he was with ANOTHER two girls last month. how many more are there?

how much more can my heart take? i have no one.

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Comments from the community:

Cristina

I've read all your diaries, with increasing alarm. Cristina, you are wasting your perfectly good life.

Peter

Written by surfer, 6. Apr 2007 03:54 PM

please, please, please cristina, get help, talk to someone, let someone help you find the strength to get out from under this. try to think why you accept it even when you know it's wrong. what in your life taught you that this was the way it could be or that you should let other people treat you badly? somewhere in you there must be a small voice of defiance that you can muster to say NO NO NO I will not let this destroy me.

It will continue to escalate - I have no doubt of this, he will seek greater control, better highs by torturing you more every time, and I am scared that his frustration when it doesn't give him the release he wants will mean that he will eventually hurt you very badly physically. please get help. you are such a good person and so not deserving of being his victim.

I'm thinking of you, if you want to email anytime, let me know in diaries, I'll get my address to you. I want to help you survive this. You deserve to leave it behind and find love in yourself, to be strong and be able to stand up straight knowing that you deserve respect.

hugs
msm

Written by mrsmooch, 6. Apr 2007 04:20 PM

Cristina

You need to get help asap. You also need to get rid of this toxic person. He is making you do things you don't want to do or are ready to do. You are keeping this toxic person for your own reasons but your friends are right, he is a sleeze if he is checking out other people and then tells you it is over. This toying with your emotions is unfair on you. You deserve much better than this.

Go Cristina!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 6. Apr 2007 06:26 PM

Dear Cristina

Take it baby step by baby step.

The first baby step you need to make is a long appointment with a gp and you need to talk, and in this appointment you need to ensure that you get referred to a good psychologist/therapist/psychiatrist. Your gp will help decide which type of therapist is best for you.

That's all you need to do. Step by step.

By putting one foot in front of the other this way, your life will get better - I promise you.

Please do it. We cannot help you if you aren't prepared to take responsibility for helping yourself as well. I'm not sure if you realise, but I believe your situation is actually life threatening - mentally and physically. You need to make the choice. Are you going to let someone else kill you, or are you going to fight for your life? If you're going to fight for your life, make that phone call.

Love Kimberly
xoxo

Written by Deleted_User, 6. Apr 2007 06:28 PM

This is all desperately familiar to me. This in no way approximates a loving relationship. He dies not respect you at all, but will tell you he does on those odd moments when he senses you drifting. You can do better for yourself than this. How he treats you is the pits, and just about anyone else is better than him. Your nights out are more like war games, and if you mean he sexually abused you in the car with his friends present, that is outrageous. Time now to listen that he meant it when he called you a slut. That is how he treats you. You really do need to get out now. Before he really really hurts you. Hitting himself in the head?
How unattractive, like an autistic 4 year old. There is more wrong with him than you recognise. Please give him up, he is no good.

Written by Deleted_User, 6. Apr 2007 07:44 PM