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cannot breath, want to leave this life behind

A page in the diary "My Dairy"
Written by cristina 24. Mar 2007 12:55 AM

i am horrified. completely horrified.

on saturday night i went up to a girl filipe has deemed a friend for months and months and asked if she'd ever kissed or been with him. she honestly said "yes", not knowing who i was. i ran out in hysterical tears and filipe chased me, convincing me he'd never touched her.

the next day i spoke to her through myspace, sending her a private message detailing my relationship with filipe. she wrote back, in horror, saying she had no idea who i was until then and to call her immediately. when i did she was crying. she told me she'd been on and off with filipe for 6 months and he had treated her like a princess, promised her she was the only one and discussed pursuing a proper relationship with her. she had declined that, but they had remained friends and were physically with each other up until february this year. she sent me emails that he had sent her and when i received them i collapsed to the ground screaming and screaming and screaming, because they were words he used to speak to me, words id only dreamed he'd say to me and words that broke my heart because he was lying to me all along and my love for him overwhelmed my feelings of distrust and kept me with him.

when i confronted him he was crying and begging for me to stay. i havent been to uni all week. everyday he has threatened to kill himself, and every day i have gone to his house to calm him down, i have had sex with him, i have consoled him despite ME being the one who has been harmed. every night i go to bed miserable. last night i chose to give him a second chance. all week he had been so lovely, something that i had yearned for since he began treating me awfully a month into our relationship. but when i woke up this morning i felt sick about my decision and had a huge feeling i would only get hurt again, and when i did, that would be the final straw for me.

today i went to his house, i wanted to see his face, wanted him to reassure me. strange behaviour. but i am weak. i have always run back. he has manipulated me and made me believe i should always act selflessly and help him. he has never helped me.

at his house i looked through his past emails and chat logs with other girls and i found one in particular which implied that he'd recently been with that girl as well. everything i read was disgraceful; he was flirtatious and sleazy to so many various girls and the conversations were suggestive that he expected to pursue something which each and everyone of them. after confronting him, i hit him with all my power and cried and cried on the ground at his feet. i tried to leave his house but he wouldnt let me leave. he literally held me indoors for an hour, even after i threatened to call the cops. he calmed me down eventually and promised me the world, soothing me, and kissing me and expressing his deep, undying love.

i got home feeling sick and physically and emotionally drained of life and fell asleep. when i awoke i noticed he hadn't called me so i called him to find out he had just been to a party and was heading to a club because he had promised his mates from weeks ago and couldn't let them down. this was the last straw. i hung up on him and once again sunk to the ground, the lowest level that coincided with my weakness.

he has stolen from me, every ounce of strength and left me dead inside. i cannot breathe, cannot think. who am i anymore?

i wrote him this email:

you have taken away my life. you have taken away my happiness, my love, my dignity, my trust, my laughter, my compassion, my confidence, my security and my heart. you have taken it all away and left me in the dark.

you have made me believe your consistent sickening lies, you have made me comply with your wishes, you have made me forgive and forget your mistakes, you have made me console you in the darkest of your times and sacrifice my own well being in order to improve yours. i did it because i loved you. and nothing else.

the pain is excruciating and incomprehensible. if someone could have only warned me of this, i would have stayed far away.

im lying here tonight in bed, so fucking sad, so fearful, and i wonder why people like you are chosen to get everything in the end and walk away freely. and there's people like me, who give up everything, and suffer for no reason.

i wonder why it is, that those who are deceptive, cruel and selfish, as you are, can live your life peacefully, demanding so much from those with so little, and not expecting to return the efforts.

what would happen if someone ever did this to you. would you cry, or would you walk away from it all? because ive done both, and im still in the same position, unable to sleep because the pain and anguish of so many months haunts me no matter where i turn.

the saddest part of it all was that sometimes i feel i am stronger than both of us put together, but in reality, i am the weakest for believing you and contuining to be too afraid to escape my nightmare. and like everything else you have stolen from me, you have taken my strength as well, my most valued quality.

the thought of returning to you, helping you and then finding out more disgusting things you've been doing behind my back as well as finding out that you are going to the party after all made me so sick before i had to have another shower to wash away the memory of having sex with you today. i was so disgusted with myself for allowing you to be inside me and allowing myslef to run back to you. the shame is unbearable. you don't deserve to receive any form or pleasure or any form of comfort from me.

maybe you could have showed me slight happiness, but that happiness is nothing i can't receive off those around me who have remained loyal and respectful from the beginning. i am here in this life to give my love to someone who deserves it, and not someone who abuses and continues to after they have experienced that shame.

but you know what filipe, there's no more hatred or anger now within me, just complete pity. and still there is that same hope, that eventually your heart will produce good instead of so much selfish evil. i really, really hope so with everything i have left within me.

goodluck.

--

im not sure what to do. feel powerless. feel dead. just dead.

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Comments from the community:

I'm so proud of you Cristina.

The email you've written to Phillip is full of such emotion, so much pain, and so much STRENGTH! I tihnk you're wonderful for writing something like that, and Phillip deserves every word of it.

He's a rat, a fucking rat and doesn't deserve someone like you. You're the one who's suffered, yet he's the one who is consoled. You're the one who has been wronged, yet you still take responsibility for both of you.

I was once with someone who lied so blatantly to my face about being with someone else. A very small part of me KNEW she'd been with him, but I chose to believe her when she said she didn't, because that was easier. I know, now, to have more faith in myself.

You've put up with Phillip for too long - and it's no wonder you feel dead. The good news is, babe, the love, strength, faith and positivity comes back. Although it never feels like it will - it does. Especially in someone as sincere, honest and sensitive as you.

You will find yourself a guy who loves you for who you are, and who would never dream of hurting you, and would possibly die for you if he had the chance. I promise you will find him.

In the meantime, take the time to regain your strength, remember who you are (the wonderful Cristina, in case you'd forgotten), and know that as along as you have yourself, everything is going to be okay.

Hugs, DJ.

Written by djluke, 24. Mar 2007 01:07 AM

Christina,

It sounds to me like you've handled this very well. I think your email to him was very well written and will allow you to begin to heal. He is manipulative and unfaithful. The best thing you can do for yourself is to dump his sorry ass and move on with your life. Don't go back to him no matter what he says. You deserve much better than that. Every woman deserves a man much better than that. You need someone you loves you, and only you, for who you are and nothing more. Don't settle for less. There are good men out there, it just may take some time to find the one for you.

You have every right to feel the way you do now, but don't let it linger. Move on. Recognize all of the positives in your life. In fact, turn this into a positive. It is a GOOD thing that you learned this about him. It is a GOOD thing that you have let him go. It is a GOOD thing that you are now free to move on and find someone who will make you happy.

Hang in there. I know it is tough but in the end you will be a happier person.

Hound Dog

Written by hounddog, 24. Mar 2007 01:23 AM

Cristina

I'm talking about your soul here, and this is what I see from your diary entries:

You are too beautiful for Filipe
You are too special for Filipe
You are too precious for Filipe
You are too intelligent for Filipe
You are too loving to Filipe

Deep down, you know this. This is why you get devastated when he hurts you. Cristina, by keeping putting yourself in his company - YOU ARE GIVING HIM PERMISSION TO KEEP MANIPULATING AND EMOTIONALLY ABUSING YOU.

Cristina - for what reason do you do this?

It is not because you are weak. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT WEAK!!!! You are incredibly strong. Your strength shines through in all your diary entries.

I think the reason that you place yourself there for Filipe to abuse is because you have a low self esteem at the moment. This is such a pity. I believe a low self esteem is when someone refuses to acknowledge their inner beauty, strength, wisdom and love. Filipe is sick/twisted/disturbed/dangerous/damaging.

If you would look within and see what shines out from your soul in your diary entries. If you would acknowledge and give your soul the love it deserves. If you would trust your soul - trust your deep down feelings about YOURSELF. The ones behind the pain and fear and anger. You would clearly see your inner beauty - the essence of you. And if you would just allow the essence of you to be your guiding light in life - to show you your path - your soul would make sure that you didn't put yourself in situations where you get so abused. Your soul i.e. you - deep down - you know you don't deserve this abuse.

Cristina, believe in your beauty that is so apparent. Believe in your strength that is so apparent. Believe in your value that is so apparent. Believe in your wisdom that is so apparent. Give yourself the love that you so obviously need - because you are so beautiful and worthwhile that you deserve to be loved.

At the moment, you can still get away from Filipe relatively unscathed. You can heal your soul and move onto things and people in life who are nurturing and healthy and good for you.

What are you going to do when Filipe gets really violent and batters you physically? What are you going to do when he always rapes you? What are you going to do when you fall pregnant to him? What are you going to do when you are financially dependent on him for your survival? What are you going to do when someone else also falls pregnant to him? What are you going to do when he is paying childcare payments to their kids? What are you going to do when he gets arrested? What are you going to do when he gives you someone else's STDs? What are you going to do when he leaves you and his children for another woman? What are you going to do when he keeps coming and going?

You are just too bloody good to be damaged and wasted like this, beautiful girl.

YOU NEED TO GO AND GET PROFESSIONAL HELP TO GET YOURSELF AWAY FROM THIS SITUATION. YOU NEED TO DO THE BEST FOR YOU, CRISTINE. PLEASE - before it's too late.

We care for you.

Love Kimberly

Written by Deleted_User, 24. Mar 2007 02:49 AM

Terrible relationship...I worry for you..everything about you and filipe is abnormal. Just all of it cristina. Really. Where is the hope? You need to be planning the end of this monstrous relationship, in order to survive. I'm sorry, but it is very clear.

Written by Deleted_User, 24. Mar 2007 03:35 PM

Cristina

What a great email to send him. You certainly know what had to be said and you said it in no uncertain words. I am sorry you are hurting so much but it will get better. Better to get rid of him and you have done that with your email than be used. You are better than that.

Go Christina!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 24. Mar 2007 05:40 PM

Hey cristina,

beside of being sorry for you to have to live all this crap I'm happy that you are aware of your own value: You deserve better, and you know it. That's great! It's hard it someone you've loved seems to need help and plays the "poor little boy" - it's a smart strategy and it almost always works - but you have to care FIRST about yourself, as you are the most important person you have by your side!!!

Love,
Luise

PS: But there are still lots of tears to cry. I know. Just cry. Call friends. Call him names. Cry again. It all helps.

Written by Luise, 24. Mar 2007 07:29 PM