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A page in the diary "My Dairy"
Written by cristina 14. Mar 2007 04:43 PM

ive never been good at exiting my comfort zones, and i REALLY suck at adjusting to new environments. sure i'll put on a brave face, live it out, act as if everything is fine- or maybe sook a lot about it- but inside im perishing. uni.. i hate it..dont want to speak about it.

filipe, oh i love him so much with all my heart. however our closeness has evolved into a strange distance, i think from his behalf again. not sure what to do.

lately, even if things are fine between us, ill find myself doing stupid things to get his attention. ill hit him, or pick a fight, or cry over absolutely nothing so i can feel momentarily fulfilled by his affection and love. just goes to show how much it is lacking, otherwise.

god, i feel sick, unmotivated, lazy, tired, sad.

just really sad.

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Comments from the community:

i am in unversity as well. and i felt exactly the same as you did two days ago. hated going for classes and everything. loved sleeping tho! =)

but i believe things will get better. i don't know why the change of heart (probably cause of Michael). but things will turn out for the better. not so fast, of course. even the slightest hapiness is good enough.

please help faith that things will get better.

lots of love,
WhteDove

Written by WhiteDove, 14. Mar 2007 06:28 PM

Hope you can find some peace. The hurt will pass. It is really helpful to put down here those things that ssutain you. What do you really like doing?

Take care,

Bob

Written by chordsinger, 14. Mar 2007 06:39 PM

cristina

Please don't overdo university as it can make your illness much worse. I got told by my psychiatrist last year I am not allowed to attend uni this year because of the bad effects it had on me last year. Trying to find some hobby courses instead.

Can understand you playing with you partner. I do a similar thing with him but our psychiatrist counsellor says we suit each other and enjoy stirring/fun fighting with each other. If it is fun there is no harm but if it becomes violent it is time to get out. Only you know which it is.

Studying1

Written by studying1, 14. Mar 2007 06:42 PM

Cristina

For the tenth time: Are you getting the counselling you need to get??

Set yourself free babe. Life is truly wonderful when you are free.

Love Kimberly
xoxo

Written by Deleted_User, 19. Mar 2007 06:17 AM