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self esteem

A page in the diary "My Dairy"
Written by cristina 7. Jul 2004 03:09 AM

to me, self esteem is the vital key to popularity. when you have high self-esteem you are confident, bubbly, flirtatious, content and loving. this may not apply in some situations, but in my mind this is what i imagine life to be like with someone with high self esteem (if they are a naturally nice person). if only i had all these attributes and more. if i only i didnt curl up when someone spoke to me or hide behind my friends when guys approach us. i yearn for the confidence that my friends have. in the past i've had little confidence sprees that don't stick around for long. they usually disapear at the slightest offensive comment.

tomorrow night a friend of mine and i are going to a club. i don't want to. my friend is beautiful, blonde, brown and skinny. the guys adore her. i am ugly, dark-haired, pale and fat. how did i even end up with such beautiful friends? i fear tomorrow night will just be a night of loneliness for me while my friend kisses as many guys possible. i can't dance in front of everyone... what if someone tells me i'm fat. i couldn't handle the abusive words. although i know i will feel exposed tomorrow night, i still want to go. i still want to somehow grasp a slight sliver of hope that's dangling in front of me. should tomorrow tonight be good then i will know that god has definetly answered my prayers even though i believe that he's barely existing and the person everyone claims to be god isn't a person at all but simply the willpower inside one to make things better.

i write so easily on this yet when it comes to my school work i'm lost for words. i wonder if anyone even reads this? i know its for my personal benefit but i'd like it once in a while if people actually gave me advice on what i should do. perhaps that's why i joined here; to seek advice from strangers who won't tell me that i'm simply lazy and need to grow up.

so can anyone help?

is there medicine to help boost self-esteem? is there anything or anyone who will rescuse me from this bleak dome of misery?

please answer!

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Comments from the community:

Hi Christina

You are 100% right about self esteem. Sometimes it takes many years for us to "approve" of ourselves and what we do. An old mate taught me to stand in front of a mirror and say "your OK and I know I love you" sounds off the wall but it does help. When you go out hold your head high and smile heaps, probably all the people you meet will have various levels of self esteem. OK here is a key: there are heaps of people out there that put us down, whatever you do dont join them. I like the way you write, and the words you say so there you have at least one fan.

Think about the good things that people have thanked you for, I am sure there are many to be proud of.

Take Care
Phil

Written by PhilC, 7. Jul 2004 12:16 PM

Hello :)
How is it that some people have all the confidence in the world while other people who should have confidence have so little? I am friends with this guy and he has so much confidence and is so arrogant it drives me nuts. I don't understand how he can have so much confidence, but he does. He is not one of those confident people that you described you would like to be though :) Anyway, confidence comes from within. The only way you can have confidence is to believe in yourself. No one else can provide you with confidence and it will take time to get. People in this world can be harsh, I grew up with people calling me fat my whole life, one of my family members made a really hurtful comment when I was young and it still sticks with me now - "oh you look like a beach ball". It can be hard to think positively about yourself when you feel so negative at the moment. At clubs, I have learnt, this is the worst place to gain confidence because it is so easy to lose confidence. Don't place any expectations on your night and you can't get hurt. Your friend may be skinny, beautiful and blonde, but you know what, who cares? Sure she may be attractive, but everyone is attractive in their own way! Plus, I think it is personality that counts the most. In clubs, people only go for looks anyway, they dont care about personality or getting to know you - if they think there is a chance of getting laid or whatever then they will go for you. Do you REALLY want a guy like that? How about trying to think of the fun night that you will have with your friend, rather then what about others will think of you? Think about yourself and think of this as your time :)

Written by the_flirty_1, 7. Jul 2004 02:03 PM

As for the medication, I don't know if it will boost your self-esteem as such but it lifts the haze of depression and should enable you to feel more like yourself. if self-esteem is a really big issue for you then i suggest seeing a psychologist because they can help work on your self-esteem..

Hang in there sweetie :) Things will get better and from your diary entries I believe you can make things better, I get a really good vibe from your entries and believe you are a really sweet person!

Written by the_flirty_1, 7. Jul 2004 02:03 PM

Hi cristina
I, like phil, is a fan of yours too!
I like how u write and I always read your entries. At times, o/p's entries make one think and just digest, so often u dont get replies or answers. For example, when I am really unwell, I cant write to others because I just sit here and cry. (That has passed now, I hope!)
So keep on writing in here, I like it and I think it helps one.
I am with u on that self esteem issue. Its a hard one and what u say is all correct. It comes from within and when one is unwell it gets tossed around like a paper boat in a 5 metre swell. Been there often.
Going out is such a big deal and I think u r brave and way way clever!!!!! In my eyes u r a big time winner. Grasp all of the great things ppl say about u in here and take them out with u. Have your own little private, positive things inside and draw on them when and how u need them.
As corny as it may sound to a young psn, it helps if u have your 'spirit' with u.
Dont dwell on the maybes and what ifs etc.....go out and decide on each moment when it arises.
Take this with u....
We think u r a pretty great psn and I am sure I would love to b in your company
Enjoy
Stay safe,
jayne xx

Written by jayne11, 7. Jul 2004 02:28 PM

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