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i choose life

A page in the diary "My Dairy"
Written by cristina 11. Sep 2005 01:09 AM

I'm back, but for different reasons this time.

A girl is dead, and that girl was in my year level at school. She was loving and caring, opinionated- yes- but just so... alive. she was intellectual and had a bright future ahead of her, but something happened. something affected this. her depression.

the girl sunk into a deep depression because she felt different towards everything. she saw the world through dark lenses, like many other people in this world. she isolated herself gradually and began a suicidal plight towards her potential freedom. to her personal perspective of freedom.

that girl is gone forever, and she will never be able to see the pain everyone is undergoing in her regard. she will never be able to see how dearly she was truly loved and cared for. she will never be able to experience a future, a present, never hold memories of the past, never see her first child, or grandchild, never laugh again, never kiss, never cry, never love... she will never be able to do this because she blotted out her future and her chance of recovery. her pain was so unbearable that whatever lay ahead wasn't worth comprehending because she was convinced her life would forever comprise sadness.

darling girl, you were so wrong

everyone please listen to me. we have been given the gift of life, and in many of our journeys, our lives have malfunctioned for one reason or other. because of this, we sink into a horrible black void- containing nothing, nothing to light up our days, nothing to fend away the nightmares that are forever trailing our paths.

or so we believe.

but the mistake many make, is not believing in themselves. the mistake she made was that she didn't believe in herself anymore. she was too weak, and no one could help her. she was out of reach and yet this could have been prevented.

please understand, life is so precious. pain is horrifying, depression is ... beyond words, just horrific. but then- there will always be light awaiting us on the other side of our miserable journeys. we just need to perservere and we will seek what we truly deserve.

to sacrifice a life, means to never experience the light that will compensate for all our sadness. to sacrifice a life due to depression, means to never learn from mistakes that could prevent further conflict. to sacrifice a life, means to never feel alive again.

ever.

please, PLEASE comprehend your lives and choose recovery. choose the light, but do not choose death. death is not freedom, it's merely a worthless end to what could have been a precious life.

thankyou.

r.i.p

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Comments from the community:

Hi Christina!

Well, what can I say? A very moving post indeed. Thankyou for sharing it with us.

It is a sensitive topic but you delivered it very well in my opinion.

I think you have done well at describing the aftermath and what the person will then never experience.

Good on ya for choosing life!

I hope you are going okay through these hard times if this has affected you! I wish you all the very best either way!

Cheers,
Michael

Written by Anonymous, 11. Sep 2005 01:33 AM

Hi

no matter how dark the tunnel is there is always light

thank you for this message as most of us will understand, at times death does seem in preference to living, but what hurt we leave behind for our loved ones

my prayers go with you at this time
Mitsi

Written by mitsi, 11. Sep 2005 02:48 AM

Thanks for posting this diary entry. It was well written and dealt with a topic a lot of us think about but avoid talking about.

Good on you for choosing life...and it's great to know that life is as precious as you say it is. I truly believe that.

Written by a-Leng, 11. Sep 2005 04:11 AM

Hi Cristina,

You so beautifully articulate your thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to share your experiences with us.

This entry was particularly enlightening. I hope that you are able to find the strength and courage to carry on your journey to better health.

Thank you so much.

Take care,
kcdbooks

Written by kcdbooks, 11. Sep 2005 11:12 PM