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Poem; voicing my pain

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Written by steffan 26. Sep 2008 06:18 PM

Voicing my Pain

The shadow of death is not far from my soul
I'm like the valley of bones made whole
I seek to destroy to overcome my pain
While walking through I try to keep sain
If these bones won't break then call out
I want to grow forever leave my doubt
I won't deniye my body in feeling you
But you don't understand if you only knew
I will rise to crush these bones underfoot
This time I will burn your face to soot
If ever you take anything from my friends
This time I'll be there watching till it ends
You will run when nowone chases you
I won't forget what you have took me through
With the blood of the lamb I will sign my name
For eternity you will know short lived fame
Cause when you go down never again to rise
I'll capture that look of fear in your eyes
It's my turn to rain and i'll never forget
The pain you caused when people wept
You will be lost like a wondering star
Only hiden from sight and drifting a far
But then I will forget and you'll have my sorrow
chocking on nothing on that day after tomorow
Cause today I have one more thing in mind
I still carry tenstion and on you I'll unwind
I'm gona unload a burden stabing you now
I still need something to wipe my brow
You will feel it don't you worry about that
When Im eating meat you will chew the fat
One day you wil know what I've been through
You won't care but will understand it's true
So thanks for helping I needed something to hate
I now freed myself form this mental state
Next time you come knocking on my door
I will knock you down screaming on the floor
So I'm waiting and I have got all day
Be my guest and I will show you the way

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Comments from the community:

the second poem "Voicing My Pain" reeks of an all comsuming hatred...

you really need to deal with that or it'll destroy you...

Its actually a really really scary poem...

Written by Gyps, 26. Sep 2008 08:22 PM

Steffan

i will not talk about rhythm and metre... these poems are an expression of your emotion and are eloquent in their variety... you have used some excellent phrases to describe your feelings at the time of writing... in a way i liked the second poem best... it is like you are touching the forbidden thoughts and feelings we all have... that if we express them or act on them we will be isolated from the rest of society...

it also expresses a degree of anger that is simmering under the skin... just waiting for the trigger to give you reason to lash out... to destroy... to hurt as you have been hurt...

but i like the simile of the tangled mind and rope...

anyway ... i am not a critic... and sometimes i don't know what i am talking about... i hope i heard your message... it would be good to get some feedback from you about the comments... and do you feel that your message has been effective communicated...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 26. Sep 2008 09:21 PM

Steffan

thank you for inviting me to talk to you about poetry... i am not sure i am in the right head space to do that... i have not been able to write any poetry and my knowledge is limited... we can do chat if you like... i know what it is like to have this burning desire to get your feelings expressed in the beauty and intensity of poetry... somehow your words take on a different hue and you can see the colours of your emotions...

if you want to chat... just leave a comment in any of my diaries... it sends an email to me and if I am home i will come and talk to you...

take care and i am sorry i can not do otherwise at this time...

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 27. Sep 2008 05:59 PM