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Comments from the community:

Smokinshar

Stop helping him... you are enabling him... it is hard for both of you ... centrelink might be a way to get him some help... or talk to your GP about the stress this is creating for you

hoping you find a solution...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 23. Jul 2008 11:19 AM

Hi there,

I would make an appointment with your GP and tell hubby that you are taking him to the appointment. Let him know that his health is affecting you and it is now time for him to seek some help. It's tough love, but I think he needs a little push hun.

I wish you well.

Dolly x

Written by Deleted_User, 23. Jul 2008 12:21 PM

Nice to see you caring for your Husband as well as recognising he really has a problem and is not malingering. He sounds pretty severe, if he won't get help I guess you will have to get it for him via your GP. If he won't attend an appointment maybe there is a team who could visit, your GP will know what's available.
Good Luck...

Written by maple, 23. Jul 2008 03:52 PM

Smokinshar

I think you should make an appointment for you and hubby with your gp and get the information you need to help you with the depression and the back pain. Work with everyone possible to get your hubby to get the help he needs/deserves.

Congratulations on coping with the situation for as well as you have.

Go Smokinshar!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 23. Jul 2008 04:52 PM

Hi cateblack thanks for your advice. Youll be pleased that my husband and i are finally going to GP together tomorrow. He broke down sobbing tonite. weve all had enough. Wish us luck.

Written by smokinshar, 23. Jul 2008 09:26 PM

Thanks dolly, maple and studying1. Here goes!!
By the way im new to depnet and still learning how to communicate like this.
Hang in there!!

Written by smokinshar, 23. Jul 2008 09:28 PM

Smokinshar

Glad to hear you and husband are going to GP... the fact you are both seeking support will be so helpful for you ...

Hope it is a good session ... take some questions with you to the GP... find out what support networks there are in the local area... and use them... if your husband gets meds... ask chemist for mims of meds and check out side effects... very important... and monitor how they are affecting him... side effects can cause problems if not aware

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 23. Jul 2008 10:16 PM

Smokinshar

There are a couple of points you made ... going back to work... 2 points ... one work is a good escape from day to day issues at home... and the money is good to help with bills and special treats... which are necessary... trying to live on centrelink payments is not easy... anyway ... that is my opinion...

and as to relying on husband... it is a fine balance... your husbands self esteem needs you to keep him in the loop... ask his opinion and get his suggestions... try to get him to find solutions with you... but also work on doing things by yourself... your husband will have some difficulty with decision making and working things out... it is part of the depression...

I hope this is of use to you... take care...

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 23. Jul 2008 11:57 PM

Thanks again cateblack for some info.

Ill see how we go at doctors tomorrow, either it will be medication or consellor or both. anything to make him feel better.

But i dont think i can work and do everything else too.

I dont think i told you my boys have bowel problems too which causes a lot of washing of angst too. The oldest boy has had chronic constipation for about 7 years and is improving now, but the younger one is now starting to have problems too. I have to wait for appointment at RCH whenever.

They soil their jocks most of the time.

Ill try and hang in there but id like to concentrate on boys and hubby and get some improvement.

Maybe i should only work 2 or 3 days a week.

By the way i do housework and personal care for a job.

So supporting other people as well.

Written by smokinshar, 24. Jul 2008 12:20 AM

Please dont leave your work. You need the money. Look after home and boys and self. Dont allow both of you to become disabled...there is no sense in that.
You breaking down will not motivate him...but with dep will only make him worse, he cannot function and suicide is possible quite frankly as he cannot do what you need.
GP....you can keep doing basics, parenting, house, work.
But shaft the worry, give it to the Pros...mate dont fall down yourself, stop your Husband being your focus.
keep working loving all of it, full on attention just makes a failing person feel more of a failure, instead of grateful.
I know you mean well, but only the Professionals can help in this case in my view. Don't fail yourself, just don't, you have kids, keep on....please.
Husband...concentration on him...no. Household, family, work, you, yes. Somehow hand his problms elsewhere, not him, just his issues.
All the best.

Written by maple, 25. Jul 2008 01:50 AM