Coming Down from Crisis Hill
A page in the diary "this is me"
Written by Angel62 12. Jul 2008 09:47 PM
Last week I hit a crisis point, yes I have been taking anti depressants for 2 years now but in that time I have never felt as bad as I did last week. In the dead of night the monsters (my thoughts) came, was like the whole world was crashing at my feet and all I could think was "how do I get off this trip". I wrote letters to the people I loved and then, I just couldn't find the right method, knife was too messy, drugs, don't keep enough in the house, then the rational me kicked in and I made a call at 3.30 am to lifeline. I really didnt want to die, I wanted a life that was happy, that I could cope with, I wanted help! I talked with the lifeline counselor, more like blubbered meaninglessly, for about 30 minutes and then felt like I needed to sleep. The next day the first thing I did was make an appointment to see my GP.
We talked, drew up a plan, and I made an appointment with a psychologist, finally someone to help me, someone to listen and understand the pain I feel all the time.
I have had my first session and although its early I feel as if I have started the road down off crisis hill. Thats not a place I want to ever visit again, its dark and lonely and frightening.