whadda ya do?
A page in the diary "A useless piece of carp- yes I meant to spell it that way"
Written by nothingnew 28. Jul 2008 11:09 PM
I feel like I need to talk to someone... but I don't know what about.
I need a means to express how I feel. I feel so lazy... like the most lazy person in the world. I don't study, I don't do my homework, and I'm afraid that somebody is going to come to me and say, you are lazy, you are not depressed, be ashamed of yourself for being so lazy and now go be a worthless dole bludger with no friends or family.
The problem is, I can't call back a psychologist... once again.. I am too lazy. I don't really work well with a psychologist because that whole professional relationship thing doesn't work for me.
I would love to just lie in my bed and sleeeeep forever... or maybe hibernate until the end of the hsc and be able to get into the course I want with no worries.
The other dilema I'm having every day, is whether I'm ready to go straight to uni. I'm to lazy to do homework at school where they harass you about it, how the heck am I supposed to deal at uni where everything is self initiated...
Seriously thinking of taking a gap year, but then fear takes over me because what do I do for that year? I'm taken out into an unknown work world.. I'll lose touch with all my school friends because I'm lazy, and I wont be making any new ones coz I'll be at work with a bunch of people much older than me..
Not that I'm very socially active at all, but i'm worried that I'll become a hermit, only leaving the house to work, and then eventually I wont even be bothered to work anymore... then my mum will kick me out for being a jobless moocher...
It's all too stressful... and I definitely know that I can't repeat year 12.. I just can't do that, I cant take another year of school, especially having to go and make new friends... with my social phobia and agoraphobia...
Everyone I know is so caught up in their own affairs.. my friends in their own HSC and stuff... and my mum basically works full time... but we've never been close anyway... my sister is too young to understand... my dad has his own partner and 2 children and business to run.
I know my mind is the thing making the meds not work.. I know I need counselling to make the meds work and such. I do know that, but I just cant deal with it on top of the hsc...
ahhh i'm losing it again!