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slipping down

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Written by dewdrop 27. Jul 2008 11:05 PM

Going through another slump, i know its happening and i am trying to stop the negative thoughts.

going through a i hate my body slump now. go through cycles my depression i've noticed.

I hope i dont offend anyone with this what i am about to write, i am just being completely open to the thoughts running through my head.

I wish i wasnt such a thinker at times, wish my brain would switch off and not know what consequences could happen. As i wish i could just switch off and not eat at all. Thought about doing the throwing up but the thinker in me knows that it can rot your teeth, plus that and i cant stand throwing up. So i just wish i could switch off my brain and just not eat at all.

Thought to myself since i am such a thinker i could be strong to stop myself when i reach my goal weight but then i think more and know that its not healthy. Just the right way is so hard and i get bursts of enthusiasm but he never lasts long. That and last time i was enthusiastic for a few months not a single kilo fell off. Slumped me further.

I cant stand myself, i know what sparked this one, my dad had to weigh himself at the hosp on friday and i weight heaps more than him. :( I am worse! How the hell did this occur??!!

I hate it! i hate me!

I am a comfort eater, i know this depression is not helping me, its a vicious circle i am trapped in. I feel like i am in fat jail and i want to break out.

I dont want to die at 55 like my mother. I dont want to be this fat any more. My hubby is like a walking skeleton who loves me for who i am but i look at him and wish i was not my weight even more.

Hate it hate it hate it.

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Comments from the community:

Dewdrop

I know what you mean about being a thinker... only wish I thought about things that matter and not about food and eating... I keep thinking one day this weight will go away... but I have to do something about it not just wish it away...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 27. Jul 2008 11:33 PM

Oh sweetheart - sorry you are stuggling at present.

You know, it's a neverending battle to get weight off - i have the same problem. I'm a big lady, 110 kilos BIG! (that's a huge bitch! ) lol

The last thing on my mind is losing weight - i stuggle so hard with trying to keep depression at bay, that i don't have any energy or motivation for much else. So it can consume us - our thoughts and then we punish ourselves. It's all pointless really.

My advice - turn all that anger into activity - go for a mad walk around the block - or hit the gym to a boxercise class. Anything to get you moving. That way you can praise yourself for doing something and it might just make you feel better too!

Best wishes to you

Love Dolly x

ps - Where are the Tim Tams? :-)

Written by Deleted_User, 28. Jul 2008 12:32 PM

dewdrop,

I hate the body slumps. The worst thing is that our partners love us no matter what, but that is never enough. It is how we feel about ourselves that dictates our mood.

I have struggled with weight all my life, everyone else in my family is thin and does not have to watch what they eat. I used to always think of myself as the "fat" sister, and still do which makes me uncomfortbale sometiems when I do see my sister as she is thin and gorgeous. Been told I must have the "family fat gene from the previous generation".

It creeps up on us so quick that the person in the mirror is not someone that we remember as us. Where did that slimmer person go? They were here once.

I like Dolly's idea of turing the angry feelings into activity. Think I might try that one for myself. You are not alone in your weight issues, there are many of us here who are larger than we want to be and find it a struggle to do anything about it.

Written by Mumof2, 28. Jul 2008 04:56 PM

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