I don't even know why
A page in the diary "Wednesday's Child"
Written by vivica 21. May 2008 09:49 PM
First of all, I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for being so friendly and constructive. You've made me feel very comfortable :).
Today I was very anxious, and I haven't been eating or sleeping properly. The eating is actually worrying me a bit, because I feel no desire to even think about eating... and I've got this godawful headache that's threatening to turn to a full-blown migraine. I decided not to go to yoga and I know that was the wrong thing.
Something has been troubling me lately. I don't know if anyone can relate, but I sometimes get the feeling like it's my fault that I feel this way.
No matter how much I tell myself that I can't stop the depression, or the anxiety, I feel like I'm doing this to myself. As if I'm somehow trying to sabotage my own recovery, or like this is a choice I've made.
And at the same time, I'm still trying to tell myself that nothing is wrong. Six years of denial from myself and everyone around me is a hard thing to shake, except those days I'm in a right state and it's easier to think "This is not how this should be".
And I feel so lonely, so much. I have all these friends, wonderful family, my partner, but I feel like I have no one to relate to or to confide in.
And I am in a state today and I don't like myself very much.
I'm just having a sulk.