... and then some days it's all just too hard
A page in the diary "Wednesday's Child"
Written by vivica 14. Sep 2008 05:08 PM
Lab reports and pre-work and post-lab assessments and quizzes and exams and assignments and travel and cleaning and sisters and babies and parents and vaccinations and doctors and psychs and meds and apartments... Oh my.
I just sit staring because I don't know where to start and it seems much to difficult. I mean, some mornings getting out of bed alone seems too much and eating breakfast is too hard a task to manage and then I'm met with all of this.
Not to mention my frustration that my last effort to reach out for help was met with a shrugging of shoulders as I was palmed off to someone else to be met with a troubled expression and "well... I don't know what else I can do for you" and its not like I'm not trying but it gets tough... so instead I'm trying to keep up this act like everything's fine and I'm trying to believe it and my parents didn't even know I was (am) failing at one of my courses or that I'd stopped taking my medication or any of that and they make it easy for me to hide it because they like pretending too and here we are caught in this big old co operative lie and its not helping. Its not like I can make everything ok just by pretending until its true.
But I suppose sitting here dwelling on it isn't the best way to go so I'm going to go have another crack at my homework. And hey I did manage to clean my squalid room so I guess that's one thing done.
So, am I going to be ok they ask? Well what choice do I have?
I keep thinking of that lady in the paper from Grafton, who threw herself in the Clarence river to drown but a young man pulled her out and they adjusted her medications 'cause it turns out that was all she needed and now she says she even loves simple things like vacuuming just because she's so glad to be alive.