Crawling back (in more ways than one)
A page in the diary "Wednesday's Child"
Written by vivica 6. Sep 2008 12:15 AM
And my apologies, I can carry on a bit.
Probably obvious to a few of you that I was having quite a bad turn due to discontinuing my medication (which was caused, in turn by a current bad spell).
In my usual way, while all this was going on, I thought I was just dandy. My brain was kicking me ("You're being very stupid. Stupidstupidstupid!") and there I was thinking "Pfft? Withdrawal? Not me!".
The first give away SHOULD have been the uncontrollable crying.
Or the hypomanic episodes.
Or the brain shivers, dizzy spells, headaches and constant parensythia...
But, no; are you kidding? I was fine! I took to going AWOL at all hours. Not to mention I haven't been studying...
And this was all in the space of a week.
I was basically a complete wreck. And no one around me knew because that's the thing- I maintain a (relatively) normal level of functioning whether I'm coping or not. And that's why it's so easy to kid myself and that's why it's so easy to slip under the radar.
But. But but but. That's not going to happen because I'm not going to let it.
I saw a new GP today, finally. And you know what? He's not half bad. I'm starting on a new medication (Cymbalta; he gave me the choice of that or Avanza), and he's going to think about maybe having a go at some mood stabilisers. He's going to bulk bill me (even though he doesn't normally), he told me because he can see I'm struggling and he's going to take me on and try to help me through this.
I'll see him again next week before I see my psych. I'm really hoping I'm getting myself back on track.
Either way: My boyfriend's taking me away for a week to give me a break :D. Oh. Spoiled rotten!