Crash
A page in the diary "Wednesday's Child"
Written by vivica 26. Jun 2008 12:28 AM
I've just crashed. It sort of felt like it happened all at once, like something inside me has just broken and now I feel so low. It's a bit of a setback and it hurts but now I think I really do need to see my doctor again and stop making excuses... Besides, I haven't been eating at all, haven't been able to get out of bed, have been having anxiety attacks, wanting to cry all the time, haven't been enjoying/don't want to do anything... Hm. Now it's in writing it looks worse... Anyway. So I figured: whether it's side effects of the new meds or a sign they aren't working is irrelevant- it just doesn't feel good. Oh god it feels awful.
I feel a little like I can't breathe. I even started to think about not taking my medication... I've never thought that before. So I'll make the appointment tomorrow.
Now, I was supposed to be describing my characteristic for recovery program. I asked my sister, my Dad, and my boyfriend what they thought my main characteristics were.
I liked my dad's answer the best, I don't know why. He said he saw in me a "searching" look, like I've been presented with all these paths to take and I don't know where to go, and I don't know where I belong, but I'm looking. I like his insight.
My sister's first reaction was to affectionately tell me I'm a smart a*** :), in reference to my (occasionally?...:P) wicked sense of humour. She also told me I'm polite and very friendly.
My boyfriend seem to appreciate my passion when it comes to issues I feel strongly about. He also described my nature as being a little ambivalent.
So there you go. I chose to be a little more objective, and I liked what I heard. That was a bit of a boost.
Oh, and a lady at work the other day told me I was pretty, in a unique sort of way, adding "like Audrey Hepburn". That's a pretty awesome compliment, I thought.
Must be my big eyes.