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NEVA ENDIN :'(

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Written by hunni 19. May 2008 05:29 AM

where do i start??
yep stilll got chest pains and still feelin illan got a temp of 38.7, hopefully the doc will tell me wot is wrong, i h8 bein sic i get really sooky.
i told dad how i feel when my step brother is home and drunk and on well u know..
he brings his m8s over and they always come in an just make me feel uncomfy. if his not on anythin his a carin person, but under the influence he scares me, im scared he will hurt me physically,or sexually him and his mates..
dad went out and yelled at him for about 2 hrs sayin im goin thru hell atm and dont need him makin it worse and dads warned him if his goin to do all that his been told not to do it at the house nor come near me.
i put myself into bed about 9ish pm cos i wasnt feelin good and kept wakin up but managed to go bak to sleep but now im awake and its only 2:10am.
sigh im so over it sic of feelin sic,sic of family,sic of feelin how im feelin, sic of the debt im in i cnt take it... its all startin to get to me.
im tryin to put a brave face on for everyone..
dad came in from yellin at my stepbro to make sure i was ok he went to give me a massage and altho i trust him he just touched my shoulders n i had flashbacks and paniced i started screamin and fell to the floor n just sat there shakin n rockin say plz plz go away. it broke dads heart he got teary an was tryin to calm me down appolagizin sayin his sorry he didnt think.. i h8 myself for reactin the way i did but it all happened so fast i couldnt help it, i know dad would neva eva hurt me but i just paniced. i want it alll to be ova with not only is it breaking my heart its breakin dads heart and its not fair on him.
neway ive had my sook so im goin to lay here in bed until its time to go to the doc.
take care everyone
dee :(

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Comments from the community:

Oh Dee, hun, I'm so sorry for everything you are going through. I hadn't read your diaries before, but I'm up to date now, and what you have gone through is truly, truly horrific. I wish I could give you a big hug and make everything OK, but I obviously can't, so I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.

If you're that underweight that your doc is wanting to admit you (I assume it's cause of your ED) that would explain why you're feeling so crap. When you're underweight your body can't fight of infection properly. I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing you cause I'm not, I understand where you're coming from. I've never had a 'real' ed but go through phases - that alone is bad enough, I can't imagine the hell you must be in.

Take care xo

Written by babz, 19. May 2008 09:53 AM

Hi Dee,

When's your next appt with the doc? Hopefully not too long to wait because it sounds to me like you need urgent medical attention. Like I've said before, I think hospital would be a good place for you right now, but that's your decision.

Don't worry too much about upsetting your dad with your flashback, it's not for you to feel bad about, but I bet your dad wishes he could at least get his hands on your mongrel of a step dad (I know he's dead)and that's the best place for him.

Hang in there Dee, I hope you are feeling physically better soon and well emotionally better will take a bit longer, but I'm here to travel your journey with you (been there, done that). It's a hard road, but you can get to a point where you can say what's done is done and have a lot less emotional response to it, believe me. Little steps.

Luv Karen xxx

Written by fly, 19. May 2008 06:31 PM

Hunni

Hope you get to the doctor and get this sorted out. You sound very sick and you need to go to the doctors to get treatment. Good on dad for taking up issues with your step brother - hope he learns from what your dad said.

Go Hunni!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 19. May 2008 07:10 PM

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