disappointed in myself
A page in the diary ""
Written by hunni 16. May 2008 03:45 AM
Yeserday mornin well wasnt that an excitin one...
wasnt even 5:30am and i was already hysterical i cried and cried and cried i was sooo upset was really down due to an incident with the one person i had left as a friend.. so wot did i do?? i turned to alcohol.. i drank and drank in hope it would all be forgotten and i would sleep and sleep through the night without a nightmare.
I upset someone i luv dearly cos i turned to alcohol and im soo sorry i shouldnt have done it and i kept that promise and put the alcohol away when i said..
I took myself and put myself into bed like i said i would and yes i finally fell asleep, altho i only had four hours before once again wakin up cryin and screamin from these nightmares but at least i got some sleep..
i sat and waited for dad to get home cos i couldnt sleep, he come home and we just talked about how his day was at work and i told him i turned to alcohol cos i was upset.Im ment to be havin a doc appt later today to check how things are goin and to get a blood test done, but cos i let myself and others down and turned to alcohol dad is goin to change the appt for mon.
We have been sittin at the comp and we were on my facebook and dad and i just made lil charecters and played games together. it was good i actually felt like a lil loved child.
I spoke to dad about my birthday comin up and how im goin to feel cos ill be on my own as he has work and my step-brother never comes home, and dad said that no he wont be his takin it off work and we will do somethin, may not be out to dinner as im not eatin much but we will think about somethin else..
Anyway im once again awake due to this nightmare i wrote about this nightmare and wot happened in it as best as i remembered and on thurs i will show the pdoc... jeez with all my writin she will b seein i wont have to say a word :S but its thru writin where i can say how i really am, if i do it face-to-face i hide alot of things. but i guess if it works then its the only way.
well i hope everyone has a good day, my day today is goin to consist of tryin to clean the house and do the washin for dad, just take it slow and do bits throughout the day.. OH an im goin to eat :)
Well thats me think enough said hopefully i have a good day, apart from the nightmare it has been ok so far, altho it is only 1:42am but ill stay positive that it will and see wot happens, take it as it comes they say..
dee