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do i scream or do i cry?

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Written by hunni 13. May 2008 07:25 AM

wot am i doin?? im sooooo confused i dont know wot to think,feel anythin.
ppl ask how im doin and all i can say is i duno.. i dnt know how i feel i feel empty i feel lost arghh i wanna scream how much can one person cry??

ALONE:
alone in the bed i lay, lookin out the window,
watchin the wind blow through the trees.
wondering y me, y could this be?
tears fillin my eyes,an slowly runnin down my cheeks.
so many thoughts are spinnin round my head.
its hard to say if im ok as i dont know yet myself.
puttin on a smile for everyone around me so they do not suspect.
wonderin wen will it be ova,wen will i be free? is anythin else ganna happen to me?
no matter how hard i try i just cant sleep.
i lay here with my eyes closed, an even try countin sheep..

HELP:
where am i, for i can not see,
i see this black shadow followin me.
this shadow is dancin an laughin with glee,
i think its the old me, the dee i see.
i look at the ground an stop and stare,
an wonder y cant i just be there?

loving,carin,loyal and kind,
that is me in my mind.
depression sux, an ppl will find,
u feel alone an often cry.

im tryin to be brave,courages n string,
but everythin seems to be goin wrong.
for i am in this hole to deep,
i need the ground an find my feet...

i am sooooo lost its not even funny anymore i feel empty an u know wot i duno even know how i feel :'(
i would try to explain how i felt but i dnt even know myself so i cant explain it... arghhhhh let me just scream and cry...
SOMEONE PLZ PLZ MAKE IT STOP :'(
sorry
Dee

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Comments from the community:

Dear Hunni
We are sorry you are feeling so distressed. It is very important that you contact a doctor and get appropriate help. Your GP would be a good start if you are not under the care of a psychiatrist.
Also take time to look at the crisis contacts listed here on DepNet should you need to use their services.
We urge you to get offline help from a medical professional as soon as possible.
All the Best

DepNet

Written by Moderator, 13. May 2008 11:25 AM

Dee

I wish I could make it stop as do others here because we all know the pain you are feeling... you are not alone... even though it feels like that... you see your pdoc tomorrow... hold on until then... in the mean time keep your thoughts open ... your dad will support you... he is helping you... and he does have his own life to live as well ... it is a hard juggling act ... care for you, care for his g/f and care for himself...

you are not being selfish in wanting to be cared for... but realise that people only give as much as they can cope with... so if someone doesn't give you as much as you want ... it is not because they don't love... they do love you... give them time... give yourself time... it took a long time to get where you are ... and it will take a long time to get where you want to be... back to the happy chirpy dee... you will find her... she hasn't left you... she is just hiding while your wounded child gets some attention... she will come back... so hold on...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 13. May 2008 05:28 PM

Hi hunni,

I know you've not long moved to WA but it's important that you find a good GP, psychologist and psychiatrist to help you get back to being the chirpy Dee you say you used to be. You need a safety net of professionals around you so that sometimes it's not all up to you.

Your in a lonely dark hole at the moment, but you have to do some proactive things (like seeking out help) to help drag yourself up and out of the hole.

Good luck my little hero,

Fly xxx

Written by fly, 13. May 2008 05:49 PM

Hunni

It is time to go and get an appointment with your doctor and tell them what is going on. The confusion is part of the illness and not unusual but your diary is saying you need to get help to work on how you are feeling and you ability to talk to people about how you feel.

Can relate to your writing about Alone and Help. The help words really are telling the story you need to contact your gp/psychiatrist and have a chat to them.

Go Hunni!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 13. May 2008 07:06 PM

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