Deppie Survival Tips for the day
A page in the diary "Moving On"
Written by maple 24. Jul 2008 01:36 PM
If someone knocks on the front door, quickly spread your tax return on the coffee table so that you look as though you are busy.
Pick up a broom on your way to open the door, and always leave the vacuum cleaner in the hall.
Wear rubber gloves at all times.
Always keep pills in each room, so that your access to them is not restricted by the presence of another person.
Do be paranoid about what's in the Otto bin, because some kind soul might try to put it out for you.
Leave all empty cereal and washing up powder containers, cofee jars, anything to do with household staples, on the kitchen table so that it appears you only just ran out of whatever it was.
Park as close as possible to where you need to go, even if it involves circling the block 40 times. No, no-one notices, except for teenaged girls.
If using Public Transport, figure out your exit route before you decide to even get on. If the train is 2 minutes late, doubt the validity of the exit route as in fact, everything may have changed.
Order finger food only if out for a meal so that you don't have knife and fork horrors. Never attempt tea out of a cup and saucer as this is impossible and can also be quite noisy.