Questioning
A page in the diary "surprise surprise"
Written by g463 20. Jun 2008 12:17 AM
Again quiet, pensive, concerned about whether to press on seeing my psych. We're doing some good stuff, but the deeper we go, the more there is to uncover and I often wonder about whether anything will change as a result.
A year and a bit later, what's changed is that now I'm even more aware of my incapacity to express my emotions in a usual way - leaving me feeling more inadequate than ever.
Sometimes what you don't know, can't hurt you. Or was it that I knew, but couldn't bring myself to admit it?
Such a conundrum!
I've been off Zoloft for about three weeks now (after a year on it), with no major negative effects - apart from 'meltdown day'. I haven't told the psych or my GP I've stopped Zoloft. I suppose I'm just wanting to feel like myself again. I want to feel well again mentally and physically.
I felt some degree of discomfort when my psychologist described the meltdown day that I'd disclosed, with "if you're that unwell again, we'll need to talk to your doctor about that". I'd had no clue that I was 'unwell' in a mental health sense on that day - well, not unwell enough to involve my GP.
Finally, given that quite a large proportion of the population live with some kind of disability - and just get on with their lives, I wonder if there's not a point where I can stop working on stuff with my psych, accept that maybe some of it is just my disability, and get on with living again.
But I bet its not that simple.