Letting love love me
A page in the diary "surprise surprise"
Written by g463 16. Jun 2008 08:57 PM
It's taken me a while to learn that life is more than passion's curse. I am here to live it somehow, but so often I choose not to - almost choose to forget...but then you never really can forget. The stuff that puts the life into life never really goes away. I just resist it.
So I realised that somehow I need to let love love me! Have to give myself permission to allow others in, to allow happiness in, to let go of the things that keep me all bound up (they're killing me!). Need to give myself permission to live.
I'm not there yet, but I can see clearly that it comes down to choices. The universe, in her wisdom, decided that I was here for more than my carbon emissions and future archaelogical deposits...because the universe gave me certain creative gifts. I can choose to bury them...and therefore die slowly, or maybe if I start to choose to engage with them, to embrace them, to use them for the benefit of myself and others...maybe then I'll begin to live again.
And maybe...maybe in doing that, I'll find fulfillment, relationships, and the self that I lost a very long time ago.
Apologies if this all seems cryptic. It makes sense to me!