Face to face with my CSA abuser
A page in the diary ""
Written by fly 30. May 2008 11:48 PM
Tonight I was out watching my oldest son's (9) football match under lights and was enjoying myself immensely, even with the cold night. I was rugged up and ready.
I was just standing there when I heard "Hi Karen" and this was from my nephew, who's father was my oldest brother who sexually abused me from the time I can remember until the age of 12. It is the first time I have seen my brother in a year. In the past year I have done a lot of growing into being a better person. He used to be in my life constantly, but I made a decision to not see him, a very tough decision because it meant breaking up my family. No more family get togethers (and I know my Mum and Dad live for them), but after years of just putting up and shutting up for the sake of the family I finally stood up for myself and for the last year it's just been absolute bliss. I think that's why I've travelled my journey so easily in the last 12 months.
Anyway, there he was tonight, right in front of me. It was awkward to say the least, but the funny thing was that he seemed to be much more uncomfortable in his skin than I was. My husband was by my side and after the "interaction" he asked me how I was, and I said I was just fine, it was a little weird, but I just didn't feel anything really. I think I"ve come so far in my journey in the last 12 months that I am amazed myself.
So anyway, that was my freakout for the night and I just didn't feel anything but joy at the fact that he seemed to be squirming way more than I was. i love my nephew and he's one of my son's best mates, but unfortunately they don't have much contact with each other, so it was just great that they were there playing footy together. I just feel proud that I was able to handle the situation so well and come away from it feeling like the bigger person.
That short, fat ugly c..t who is my brother is nothing but a worthless piece of sh1t and its just nice to see him squirming in his boots for once. He made me feel bad for most of my life, but since I've given up the grog and actually have some semblance of self esteem it was just really great to feel like the bigger person. And it proved to me that I have done the work in the last 12 months and I just don't feel anything about the abuse anymore. Hard to believe, but it's true... I'm not a victim anymore.... I'M A SURVIVOR - YAH!
Hope you all have a good weekend,
Lots of love,
Karen xxx