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Face to face with my CSA abuser

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Written by fly 30. May 2008 11:48 PM

Tonight I was out watching my oldest son's (9) football match under lights and was enjoying myself immensely, even with the cold night. I was rugged up and ready.

I was just standing there when I heard "Hi Karen" and this was from my nephew, who's father was my oldest brother who sexually abused me from the time I can remember until the age of 12. It is the first time I have seen my brother in a year. In the past year I have done a lot of growing into being a better person. He used to be in my life constantly, but I made a decision to not see him, a very tough decision because it meant breaking up my family. No more family get togethers (and I know my Mum and Dad live for them), but after years of just putting up and shutting up for the sake of the family I finally stood up for myself and for the last year it's just been absolute bliss. I think that's why I've travelled my journey so easily in the last 12 months.

Anyway, there he was tonight, right in front of me. It was awkward to say the least, but the funny thing was that he seemed to be much more uncomfortable in his skin than I was. My husband was by my side and after the "interaction" he asked me how I was, and I said I was just fine, it was a little weird, but I just didn't feel anything really. I think I"ve come so far in my journey in the last 12 months that I am amazed myself.

So anyway, that was my freakout for the night and I just didn't feel anything but joy at the fact that he seemed to be squirming way more than I was. i love my nephew and he's one of my son's best mates, but unfortunately they don't have much contact with each other, so it was just great that they were there playing footy together. I just feel proud that I was able to handle the situation so well and come away from it feeling like the bigger person.

That short, fat ugly c..t who is my brother is nothing but a worthless piece of sh1t and its just nice to see him squirming in his boots for once. He made me feel bad for most of my life, but since I've given up the grog and actually have some semblance of self esteem it was just really great to feel like the bigger person. And it proved to me that I have done the work in the last 12 months and I just don't feel anything about the abuse anymore. Hard to believe, but it's true... I'm not a victim anymore.... I'M A SURVIVOR - YAH!

Hope you all have a good weekend,

Lots of love,

Karen xxx

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Comments from the community:

Hey Karen,

I am so proud of you for being a survivor, and for being ok with it.

I know exactly what you have been through, exactly, and i wish i had your strength to deal with my abuser like you have.

I'm not sure i will ever get through this, but i'm glad you have, and i'm not as good with words as you so this is as good as it gets.

Take care Karen,

Luv Nouse







Written by Nouse, 31. May 2008 12:41 AM

Got ya abuse on my post.
Read ya comment on Liz's.
Coupla points 4 u...

1- My father is a severe alcoholic.
2- I tried 2 kill myself @ 12.
3- My father is a pedophile.
4- I was 1st put on anti depressants @ 12.
5- Im not quite as ignorant as u think...

Written by Gyps, 31. May 2008 12:59 AM

If I wanted 2 1 up u I would! Was merely pointin out sum facts u were ignorant 2 coz yr a newbie.
U want my love & support?
U sure as hell aint doin anythin 2 get it.
Ultimately u really know nothin bout me but if it makes u feel beta 2 abuse me go ahead!

Written by Gyps, 31. May 2008 01:21 AM

Fly, you are an absolute WINNER!
I am glad you have come through this so well.
I am happy and proud for you.
I read your reply to Gyps diary and I agree with you totally. There are genuine people here like yourself that only want comfort and support. Anyway I gave my 2c worth when I replied to the last Gyps post.
Hope all goes ok for you.

MAYA

Written by Maya, 31. May 2008 01:24 AM

Hi Karen,

Congratulgations on the way you kept it together ttonight, and how you say you have been handling things on the whole- it is always hard to go against your parents, but you are fully justified in doing what is good for you. Well done.

Best wishes,

Miss M

Written by miss_m, 31. May 2008 01:40 AM




KAREN........



I am here to let you kow that I am here for you and totally agree with everything you have written over thiscrap that has been on going on Dep. I am not a shallow person and do not judge people as esily or at all, like some people do.
You are a survivor girl and be proud of that. Apart from the love of your husband and kids, you also have mine.

Take care Fly,
Love Lesley xxxxxx

Written by lesleyk, 31. May 2008 08:42 AM

Good. And good you experienced that sober so it's nice and clear. It's one to put in the shoebox with your falling star.

Written by maple, 31. May 2008 09:21 AM

This entry has gone so deep into my heart , l need not say anymore. But you should be so proud of yourself, What guts and self respect .to do what you did, words can not describe how proud l am of you, if you can get through this you have made it .Right now l just want to give you the biggest hug and look into your eyes and say you really are A SURVIVOR Take care
rubee xxxx

Written by rubee, 31. May 2008 11:44 AM

Fly

You did it and as has been mentioned without any alcohol affecting your decision making ability. What a great achievement.

Go Fly!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 31. May 2008 03:52 PM

Hi Karen, been out all day so have just tried to catch up.

Firstly let me say that I am so profundly proud of you facing your brother and dealing with what must have been an horrendous situation for him to just be there.

Regarding all the other stuff going on here in depnet. Seems this sort of thing comes around every 3 months or so and there is all sort of angst about it. This is simply a matter of ettiquuitte for the mods to deal with - this is what it is at its core. The rest of it is about peoples opinions and sledges and rougue users. It is nothing to do with anyone and as we get drawn into it for its drama we soon realise that it is making no sense at all.

You do not ever ever need to justify your reason for being on depnet, no one should have to, we all suffer, we are all here and that is that.

I know it is hard to sit on the fence (cause I havebeen and you get splinters up your bum!) but ignorance or disassociation is probably a better thing.

Your post is an absolute example of what we are all here for, support and guidance and opinion if requested.

Last night you faced a massive personal situation and you wrote about it here ad we are all here to wrap our arms around you for your bravery, to wipe tears of pain as they come on.

Karen you are SOOOOOO amazing and I am happy to have you in my depnet support group as I refer to it.
I hope we can all keep focused on getting well or getting adjusted or just understanding depression.

You give me so much support Karen, you really understand what I write down when some others dont even get close, you are important to me in my struggles and I really value you.

Take care


Liz
XXX

Written by keller, 31. May 2008 05:14 PM

fly,
Thank you so much for your kind welcome and supportive advice. I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Regards Troy

Written by Troy2, 1. Jun 2008 10:55 PM

Wow. Sobering post. I envy you greatly for having maturity and emotional strength enough to have stood up to the confrontation like that.

I know if I had to face my abuser (he's been dead for a decade) I would probably run blubbering. or stab him. or maybe both...

I bet the bastard wanted to crawl away and die anyway.

Abusers should be euthanased... preferably inhumanely.

Well done Fly.

Written by akita1970, 2. Jun 2008 12:51 PM

Hello Karen,
Just got the post you sent Re: Gyps. I got so tired of the way she carries on, she may be an 'Oldie' on this site, but she is not a great support to people. I doubt she even knows what 'real' depression is. You've copped it from her with no reason so have I and others. You only have to check her replies to to Mrs Studying's diaries to see what I mean. in fact to me, it looks like a case of bullying!
I have reported her to the moderators and they will be monitoring her.
Anyway, I hope all is well with you.
Take care.
Bye for now.
Maya

Written by Maya, 2. Jun 2008 11:52 PM

Hi Karen,
You have done well to come so far in your healing. I think that if i saw my abuser i would probably kill him and then kill myself.

Written by survivor, 4. Jun 2008 10:29 PM