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Psychologist appointment and confession

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Written by fly 22. May 2008 11:42 AM

Hi everyone,

Thanks for your support in replies to my diary entries, they have been wonderful to receive and have kept me strong on my path.

During the week I've been pretty depressed about the fact I cannot have anything to drink, so hubby and I had a talk on Tuesday night and agreed that I could have a couple of drinks just on the weekends. I know I can do it now, I've gone 8 weeks without a drop of alcohol and it's the first time I've gone this long since Jordy was born 7 years ago.

But now I've learnt that I can get through the day to day challenges without drinking. I can empty their school bags, help with homework, keep the house in order and cook tea, all without alcohol. What I'd like is to be able to let my hair down (just a liittle bit) on the weekends, so that's what hubby and I have decided.

I will talk to my psychologist about this decision... I'm guessing she's going to be none too pleased, but I just want to feel like a normal person... and the normal people I hang around with drink every day, and then have lots on the weekends, so I don't see that having a couple of drinks on the weekends makes me an alcoholic.

It hasn't been an easy decision, and I'm still wracked with guilt about it, I may not even do it but just knowing I have the option has made me feel better.

I don't ever want to go back to the place I was before I quit drinking... I realise now alcohol is a priveledge and not to be abused. It made me a very selfish person, so caught up in my own problems I ignored those of my husband, and we used to fight a lot, mainly cause I'd pick on him when I was drunk. I can understand his hesitation in me having another drink, but I want to prove to him I can have some and be responsible with it. Hell, I want to prove that to myself as well.

I know most of you who will answer this post will say its a bad idea too, and I'm open to all your thoughts on the matter, but as I said earlier, I just want to feel like a normal person, I hate being controlled by boundaries and told what I can and cannot do. I know I can do this responsibly.

I'll let know you how I went with the psychologist!

Take care all,

Karen xxx

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Comments from the community:

Hey fly,You can picture your past and you future,you can choose which one you want to go down , but going by your entry, it sounds like you can control this,and you know it makes you a better person.lf you think having a drink on the weekend mite take the edge of a bit go for it, Its all about control.But don,t drink just because your mates do.lam sure they would understand you need a lot of support right now not pressure, so you do what you think is right for you.and be so proud of what you have achieved so far,But remember not having a drink for 8 weeks, your body might not tolerate it as much as it used to , so take it easy. And You have proved you can function without it; Believe me it is a huge struggle one day ,at a time Take care
rubee ,,,,,,,

Written by rubee, 22. May 2008 12:20 PM

Hi Fly

I can understand your wanting to enjoy yourself a little on weekends and let your hair down. Everything in moderation, as they say!

I think it's about control for you - you want to decide if and when you have a drink, rather than being told not to drink at all.

I'm the same with food - I know i should be dieting because I am very overweight, but I like to eat junk occassionaly and it gives me some comfort on my bad days.

Take care - thinking of you
Dolly x

Written by Deleted_User, 22. May 2008 02:20 PM

elo karen,
im not to surewot to say to u as atm im a lil everywhere, but i know u will make the right choice and do wot u feel u know u can, if u know u will b in control then thats a positive..
btw thanks for the comment on my post, i wish it would all go away to. ive just got back but will update u later an about the comment to ur psychologist its ok.
take care
dee

Written by hunni, 22. May 2008 05:10 PM

Hi Fly

Firstly thankyou for our kinds words of support that you left on mt diary.

Now to the important thing which is you. I don't know what medication you are on as far as depression goes but I would read what it says about drinking while you are on antidepresants as with some anti depresants the effects can be quite nasty.

I would be very careful about drinking again. I canonly speak from what I was told and I now abstain from acahol except on special occasions which don't happen very often. I have diabetes aas well and i was told that at my last checkup it would be a good idea if I could limit the intake of booze as much as possible. So I think I have only had a couplle of drinks in over six months and that was at a wedding.

Ultimately it is your decision and you as a resonsible adult will have to make that diecision all by your self. What ever your decision you will have to live with the consequences of your deicision for the rest of of life. Just try and make a decision when you have all the correct infornation at hand and try and make the dicision logically. In other word with your head not with your heart of feelings.

Bassman

Written by Bassman, 22. May 2008 05:51 PM

Karen thankyou for such an honest post, you are very brave opening up your decisions and reasons to this broader community wher you know people have all sorts of issues. You are gutsy!

I have though alot about what to write here now and I beleive your other commnents to date have suggested it may be a control situation, it may be a lifestyle thing or Bass's comments to watch alcohol and anti deps, all sound advice.

I think I fall in the camp that is around addiction. Its probably not what you want to hear but 8 weeks without alcohol is not all that long.

I attend DBT groups weekly and in my group there are three people with alcohol issues (and one alos with rec drugs as well). I hear them every week, I heard them today one was in a car accident a few days ago, she was injured and very distressed, when she got into work and told them one of them un be knowing to her situation said I wil get you a drink to settle you down.....she has been alcohol free for three years, and she said it took all her stregnth not to accept the drink. She had the facilitators and all the group in the room in awe at her stregnth.

I dont know what that story does to help but it showed me soemone fighting an addiction, and I saw stregnth in her character that i never knew was there til today.

As I have told you before my moter was an alcoholic and there are many stories I can tell you about being a kid from 5 - 12 where i didnt quite get that the world ran a certain way in our house nad a different way everywhere else.

My mother would buy alcohol rather than feed us.

My mother would laugh if we injured ourselves, I had a broken arm for three days before she could get organised enough to take me to hospital.

My mother "accidently" tipped a pot of water over my 4 year old brother I was six, I called the ambulance by runnning to a neighbours, I blamed her because I thought he was going to die, every time I see my brother and my boys ask what happened to uncle J face I avoid, well I did, I told my oldest.

I dont know why I am telling you all this but I needed you to know why I have such a passion about you doing the best thing you can.

You are smart and wise, you will make the best decision for you.

I will try to support you, but I fear in my heart this may be hard if you choose to resume alcohol, maybe until I understand it a bit more.

Please do what is best for you and your own family

Lots of love

Liz

tears

Written by keller, 22. May 2008 07:32 PM

Karen

It is ultimately your decision... I am with Liz in that 8 weeks is not a long time... and there is the issue of addiction...

Now for some ppl they can drink a little and walk away ... some ppl can not touch a drop... because if they do take one drink they are hooked back like they never stopped drinking...

it is up to you to decide which one you are...

Also is it peer pressure of friends drinking?

I know you have said how much you miss the drinking... is this a trick of your mind and body to get fix the craving for alcohol...

Is your husband missing the drunk you?

You can try and find out... it is your choice... hope you can stop at one...

I am not moralising at you... I rarely drink now... i used to drink a lot... then one day I stopped... but this is your journey...

Good luck with whatever decision you made....

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 22. May 2008 08:05 PM

Hey karen,

You have done so well, better than myself right now.

I am sure you will be ok.

Take care,

Nouse

Written by Nouse, 22. May 2008 10:31 PM

Fly

This is a hard situation to be in but I think you should continue with the program of not drinking. If you drink on the weekends how are you going to make sure it isn't all the time. One slip can easily be life changing and 8 weeks without any alcohol is a great achievement. Congratulations on that achievement. Keep on this track. I am sure the psychologist would want you to not have any drink in case you slip back to you old ways.

Think about this seriously as it has serious consequences for you, the family and hubby and your treatment.

Go Fly!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 22. May 2008 10:37 PM

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