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Tough going at the moment

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Written by fly 18. May 2008 05:56 PM

Had a very boring day today and hence feeling rather down in the dumps. Hubby went to work today and the kids have been busy with the neighbours boys, so I've just been left alone with my thoughts.

Problem is I think too much. I've been going so well without the alcohol, but I still crave it so badly and don't know how much longer I can hang on.

I did reward myself for my sobriety with a 90 minute massage the other day, it was really nice until she came upon the scars on my arms and I had to explain how I had put them there (they don't look like an accident!) I think she thought I was really weird!

The Crows (yes, I'm one eyed crows supporter) are coming on TV in 15 mins and what I wouldn't give to have a drink while I watch them kick Melbourne's butt (well hopefully anyway).

Might have to resort to a valium this afternoon, haven't had to use it in a while, but feeling a bit edgy and could quite easily drive myself to the pub to pick up a bottle of Johnnie Walker (my drink of choice).

Think I went down hill when I actually saw a bottle at a tupperware party I went to on Friday night, needed scotch to make Bailey's Irish Cream and the bottle was just there staring me in the face. Didn't have any bailey's either, just took a can of coke, but I think just seeing the bottle has triggered the thoughts in my head again. Was supposed to go to an AA meeting on Saturday, but was too tired and went to bed for 4 hours instead.

Been feeling really down in the dumps, life is just so boring at the moment and a life with alcohol seems a slow, dying, boring death! It's all the same sh1t, different day, at least alcohol bought me to life sometimes.

Not looking for any excuses to have a drink, think I just need some added support at the moment. I'm still not doing it for me, I'm doing it for my husband and he'll be gutted if i give up, but I'm miserable, surely a couple wouldn't hurt???

Anyway, I'm just raving, sorry.

Hope you've all had a good weekend.

Luv Karen xxx

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Comments from the community:

Karen,

You should be doing it for you first Hun. Your husbands needs come after you. You are the most important one here. I'm sorry that someone had the bottle out in sight, but that is just another obstacle that you have to clear.

You have done so well, please don't give it all up now. I am so proud of what you have achieved. Don't let people worry you about what they think of your scars.

Whether you have scars from top to bottom it doesn't matter. You are a beautiful woman and that is all that counts. I for one, am proud to call you a friend. If you have msn, grb my contact details of my profile and pop in and say hi.

Love Lesley xxxxxxxx

Written by lesleyk, 18. May 2008 06:20 PM

Yes do this for you not for anyone else.

Hope the Crows won, I know the swans did and that was pretty good!

I think you may need to find some more activites for yourself. Do you have any hobbies or interests, I say this because now I gather you are observing time and perhaps previously it just swam by you, in a fog as it were. Your use of alcohol may have been a way to loose time so you didnt feel much. Time to think about doing other things.

When times have gotten really bad for me I have taken to using a day planner and each sunday arvo I would construct it, hour activityby day.
This may cound silly but if you put inthere things like have a walk, clean out the fridge pick up kids, work etc you may find that you are not so lost.

Hope to chat soon and maybe we can talk more about his

take care of yourself Karen, you are doing a very ard job just now, probably the hardest job you have ever done, you are looking for you.

Take care

Liz XXX

Written by keller, 18. May 2008 06:36 PM

Fly

You are doing this firstly for yourself and then the rest of the family. I am proud of you for not even trying the bailey's at the tupperware party. You are doing really well.

Congratulations on your progress.

Go Fly!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 18. May 2008 06:50 PM

Hey Karen,

I know exactly how you feel, and i wouldn't be much support to you right now, i think i would drive us both to the pub and drive us home afterwards.

I really hope you can hang in there, for both of us, as i think i am so close to giving up its not funny anymore.

I can understand how you say you are doing this for your husband, and you are really brave for doing that. I am still unable to talk to my hubby about this, as i am so afraid of failing still. I am only 31 days into sobriety, it doesn't feel like it is going to be life changing for me, i will drink again, i have no doubt about that, it is about when and what is going to push me over the edge again.

I'm sorry Karen, i wish i could be more of a support for you, but i am a failure and i know i will never be able to help anyone.

Take care, i am sure you are a lot stronger than me, and i wish you well.

luv Nouse

Written by Nouse, 18. May 2008 10:05 PM

HI Fly :0

Oh you are doing so very well. It's easier to give in than to push on, I know it sucks.

But yes, I'm sorry babe only a couple will hurt. The reason why is that it won't be a couple it will be more and if by some chance you can reist not having more than your two thats more cruel than not having any.

You have done so well. You are doing well right now. You aren't just doing this for hubby but yourself too. I'm sure you will be disappointed if you gave in.

You are truely brave and strong to me, I feel your pain of the craving but it will pass. You can do this!

Bluewave
xxoo

Written by bluewave, 20. May 2008 12:08 AM

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