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Been doing some more thinking

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Written by fly 14. May 2008 10:24 PM

Thank you everyone for your comments to my diary entry "heart of stone". I gained a lot from your kind words and warmth.

I've been thinking some more about my heart of stone and I think I've hit upon something. When I was drinking everything was magnified 100%, I was either so happy I was annoying or I was so sad, angry and upset that it was scary. (I don't know how my husband put up with it day after day, not knowing whether he was coming home to overly happy Karen or miserable want to kill myself Karen.

The thing I think I've hit up is that I miss the "drama" of my previous life. Is it possible for that to happen? Does feeling quiet and content and having everything running smoothly for the first time in such a long time actually take some getting used to?

I think maybe it does and I will be posing the question to my psychologist tomorrow. Also have AA meeting tomorrow and am looking forward to both, being able to go in there and say I'm still sober with my head held high. It's a good feeling. I must admit I've been absolutely hanging out for a drink this week, but have toughed it out without even using the valium my psychiatrist has prescribed for me. Don't want to swap one addiction for another as I've said before.

Anyways, that's just some of my thinking...

Regards to everyone,

Karen xxx

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Comments from the community:

Wow Karen! you have been doing some thinking... missing the drama ... i know I have felt that... I have tried to re-create the drama the mood swings... it feels so artificial somehow this calm... i keep wondering when the calm is going to leave me... you have certainly gave me some food for thought...

Please if you want to only... let me know what your psychologist says...

Have a good day tomorrow... and enjoy your AA meeting and pdoc visit...

take care

rgds
cate

Written by cateblack, 14. May 2008 10:34 PM

Good you recognise your feelings and are prepared to ask the right questions of the right people. You stand every chance here...

Written by maple, 14. May 2008 11:11 PM

Hey Karen,

You have come so far, and you are a big thinker.

I think you are right, i suppose you can almost get addicted to the drama of life, good or bad, but it must be a good feeling for your Hubby to come home to someone with a more even temperament now.

Good luck with your AA meeting, and so you should hold your head high, you have done an awesome job staying sober, be proud of yourself. I am proud of you without even knowing you, but by knowing what you are going through, and knowing how damn hard it is.

Keep up the good work.

Luv Nouse

Written by Nouse, 15. May 2008 12:01 AM

Fly

You have stumbled on the thing that most of us miss if we are used to it in our lives - drama. Well done.

Have a good session with the psychologist and hold that head up high for still being alcohol free.

Go Fly!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 15. May 2008 12:27 AM

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