Psychologist appointment & party
A page in the diary ""
Written by fly 8. May 2008 10:23 PM
Hi Everyone,
I have a party to go to (again) on Saturday night. Never usually get party invitations and now that I've decided to give up drinking they're pouring in (pardon the pun).
I had decided and talked over with my husband the fact that I would like to have a couple of glasses of wine at the party, mostly just to feel sociable and definitely no more than 3. I don't even like wine, I'm an alcoholic on scotch but can control drink on wine or beer. I thought long and hard about the decision and spoke at length of the pro's and con's with my husband and we decided it would be OK.
Then I saw my psychologist today and I talked openly with her about it. She said it was too soon, so we debated the issue for a while. I'd also been to an AA meeting today just before my psych appointment and that gave me a bit more strength, so in the end I shook my psych's hand and promised her I would not have a drink and that I'd be able to come back next week and look her in the eye and tell her I'm still sober. I actually feel really happy with myself for making that decision. Almost relieved I've decided to stay strong. I didn't and still don't think a couple of wine's would set me back on the course that I was previously on, but I just can't afford to take the risk in the first place.
So it'll be apple cider (non alcoholic) for me in a wine glass. I'm really starting to notice things around me and I'd hate to go back to that alcohol haze. Today I surprised my psych by talking about how beautiful the world is, with the sun and the sky and the trees and the stars... she just about fell off her chair, she's never heard me so positive.
So still in a good place and every day I realise I am able to express myself (well it's a work in progress, but I can see the steps I have taken so far with still many more to climb). I used to not be able to express myself without alcohol in the system to numb all the pain. And all in 5 weeks. Imagine what it will be like in a year! I might just make it back to being a person fit for this life after all. There were a lot of times I've thought I don't belong on this earth, I'm just not good enough, but I'm starting to believe more in myself, it's been an amazing 5 weeks and it's just getting better.
So patting myself on the back for staying sober and making the decision about saturday night.
All my best wishes to everyone,
Luv Fly xxx