Hidey ho
A page in the diary ""
Written by fly 11. Jul 2008 11:26 PM
Haven't been here in quite a while, haven't had much to say (thankfully).... but what a week I've had and I felt compelled to get it down on "paper" so to speak.
Such a mish mash of emotions, mostly humongous and uncontrollable. Some I've dealt with well, some I haven't. But on the whole I'm happy with the way things have turned out finally, looking back on my week.
I'd like to start with last Thursday.... for one I found out that my husband's employer had decided to employ someone above him (my husband is a store manager) and they employed this person to "get the store running"... a definite kick in the guts for my poor husband. We have been complaining constantly about his level of pay, but his employers seem to think if they keep undermining his skills then he has no reason to have a payrise, ggrrrr. Also, during the same day I found out from my work colleague that my job share girl had quit.... So now I've got to train another person, about the 4th person in the last 2 years and I'm completely fed up with training people I know won't be able to handle the position (aww gee, it's only 2 days a week I'm asking them to handle).
So I didn't handle all this stuff very well and ended up slashing my wrists quite severely, leading to an ambulance and hospital, stitches and mental health assessment. Fortunately I passed (dont ask me how, but all I can say is thank god for the inefficiencies of the public mental health system) and was released the same night/morning. After much debating I was finally released and at half past friggen two and i finally got home, blah!
Since then I have seen my shrink and my psychologist and have fessed up to both about my slash 'o' thon. My shrink told me I was "naughty" and my psychologist was a lot more concerned.... concerned about the anger with which I punished myself, for I didn't care if I hit major veins, arteries, nerve endings or whatever I've since found I possess in my wrists. But by the time I needed to fess up to my mental health team a whole week had passed and I couldn't believe I'd been at that point less than a week prior.
What's with that?? How my thoughts and feelings change constantly, so much so that in the space of 1 week I've gone from thinking I'm completely losing my mind to a complete feeling of wellbeing? At the moment I feel great, but confused at my ever altering emotional state. I just don't get this shit.
I'm sorry I haven't been here to add my bit to the diary replies, I just haven't had it in me to do so, but I hope you're all going OK ("as well as can be expected LOL") and you are all doing your utmost to look after yourselves.
I remain most respectfully yours (as a very confused person),
Karen xxx