Moved House!!
A page in the diary "poo"
Written by wild_rose 8. Jul 2008 12:42 PM
Busy weekend, moved all our stuff out of the bf's mums place and back FINALLY into our own place. Now we just have the unpacking to get done, which we can take our time with, it's great having the independance back too, I can now do what I want, when I want, cook what I want, and eat whenever I feel like it. I missed those things so much.
Now just waiting on finally getting the internet connected, which could take a few weeks, so I just have to rely on the net at work for a bit, I'm just thankful that work is quiet at times and I get a chance to surf the net a bit, did I ever mention I'm a net junkie lol. Can't wait till the net is connected at home.
The past 6 months has been hell for me, with the eviction and finding out all I did, then having to move in with the bf's mum. Finally I am able to sit back and for the first time actually see exactly what I have accomplished, in amongst my battle of depression and anxiety, I successfully managed to change my entire life, I made many drastic changes and I have come a long way, I have succeeded in my battle and I did it on my own no meds no nothing. As people would know months ago I cracked it with meds and stopped them, and also lost faith in my Pysch and stopped seeing her, for me the regular sessions did nothing but reopen old wounds. Nowadays I am also aware of thought patterns, so I can avoid relapsing again, and am finding ways of controlling the anxiety on the odd occasion when it rears it's ugly head.
I have basically moved out to the country, but it's still in Melb, just very outer suburbs, miles away from a train station and about 1 hr 45 mins drive from work, not that I care I love my new place, I have already been asked by my sister why I moved to the middle of nowhere and not closer to the city, and as I said that's why I moved there because it is the middle of nowhere and not to mention I refused to move into a flat or unit, because I knew a house would be better for my mental health and I wasn't going to rent a house in closer to my work, way too expensive. Although she doesn't understand. She also can't comprehend why I still prefer to drive in and 'waste' an extra $30 on on driving in instead of getting on a smelly packed peak hour train with no room to breathe, I tried to explain about my anxiety and how I am not going to put myself in a position to trigger the beast off again, I have been maintaining quite well, even going to the supermarket alone and all now, but seriously a peak hour train, at least with driving in, I can relax somewhat and listen to my music sing along etc. And I don't have to put up with smelly people invading my personal space, oh and I can sit down :) lol.
The only problem I can now see is everybody assumes we are going to get a housemate and expects to be chosen. We have just moved in for crying out loud. People ask how many bedrooms and when they find out yes it's a 3 bedroomer they ask if they can move in. Who said we even want a housemate, I hate living with other people, we have talked about a housemate, and have decided on only one person in our group of friends who we would consider, the only person I could handle living with, because a) they would respect when I wanted 'me time' and b) would respect the groundrules like no smoking at all indooors, and I'm a smoker myself.
I had a bit of a tiff with my sister, she basically demanded I have family move in, mind you this member of my family being int he same house as them for 4 days drove me and the boy insane, we we're nothing more than a taxi and an endless supply of free food, not to mention there's no way they'd respect certain groundrules especially the no smoking rule, they would say I pay rent I'll smoke in my room... yeah and allow the stink to seep into the rest of the rooms... it would quickly see me go downhill, not to mention being so far from a bus stop/train station, and they have no car we would become a bloody taxi service. She tried using the 'it's family' excuse and you do anything for family, and why can't just once I do what she asks etc, the guilt trip. For the first time it made me so mad instead of guilty, I would do anything for family, and I would except if were to put my own mental health in jepordy, tell me I'm horrible selfish etc, whatever, but in reality would respectful family expect you to put yourself out if it was in anyway going to jepodise all the progress you have made mentally and risk your mental health? I know I would never expect that, it wouldn't be fair.
And quite simply anyway, I need to start putting me first and thinking about what IS best for me, look what happened last time I put everyone else first, and neglected myself I almost took my own life, and I refuse to go back there EVER and if it means being considered selfish and horrble, so be it. My mental health is important and it's time those around respect that.
Oops, I seemed to have blabbed on a bit more than intended, I'd be surprised if any one has made it this far lol.