Update
A page in the diary ""
Written by Bassman 22. Jul 2008 04:35 PM
i am feeling a little better again. I am still a little irritable as my wife would attest. However I am I must confess feeling much better than I have over the last week or so.
I had a good look at what I was doing and discovered that I had changed my breakfast and even though what i was eating was on the good choice list it sert my levels through the roof and as this happened in the morning I was like a dog chasing my tail for the rest of the day and never catching it. So I have gone back onto what i used to have for breakfast and after two day and a little exercise I did this morning I am happy to report that not only do my levels seem to have come back into the zone of as close to normal as possible.
this as expected has had the desired effect on my mood swings and I have become much calmer and more rational again.
There is nothing more frustrating than having a physical medical condition which affect ones mental state. I only have to get something not quite right and the whole lot goes pear shaped and become a completely different person. I feel at times very much like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde of the famous R. L. Stevenson book. It is no fun and there are times when I do think that I have lost the plot totally and would be better off going away. these days however these thoughts although still always there no longer feature prominently in my daily life. they do every now and again try to assert teir presence in my mind and at times like those I wish I could just run away and leave the thought behind.
This however is not possible and I know within my self that this would create more problems than it would solve and I wonder what I would do after I had disappeared.
As I said I seem to be in a much better place more often these days. Also when I am down it is never for as long and never quite as intense as it was two years ago.
I am continuing to look for work although I am not nearly as attentive to this task as some people would like me to be. I feel that i am doing my best and if my best is not good enough for them then that is tough luck.
i have nothing else to say and have probaly said too much as usual so I will stop.
Bassman