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Never again will I let anyone into my heart

A page in the diary "THE BITCH AND THE WITCH..........."
Written by lesleyk 20. Feb 2008 01:25 PM

I used to think I was a pretty good judge of character, but geuss I've been taken for a ride, my last. Never will I help someone again, only to be smacked in the face.Never will I trust anyone again or offer my hand in friendship. What's the use the world is full of users.
This user has taken my daughter from me and left me with a damn big hole in my heart and life.A hole that will never mend , even if she comes back. I grew very hard inside when my Nan died 21yrs ago, but it will be nothing to what I will be now. I will never reach out for anyone again, will never show my feelings and ceertainly won't let anyone into my heart. I became feelingless once before, but I have to protect myself now, and my walls are backup to stay. Nop-one will ever destory or hurt my heart like this again. If I'm a bit distant from the Deppies, who most are absolutely great people, then I'm sorry. I'm protecting myself from possible heartache and pain.I Know certain people don't like me, but hey, you don't know me either.Nor will you ever get the chance to really know me now.
One Deppie I will apologise to is Mick. Sorry mte for all the stirring I do to you, but its only fun, I wouldnt hurt you for quids.
My Sister Deppie, I love you so much and am glad we got to know each other.Thanks for being the only one to truly hang in there for me when I bottom out. You mean more to me than my 5 real sisters do.xxx
My daughter Deppie, keep up the good work babe. I will always be proud of you for hanging in there, despite the odds you have tackled.
I will always be here for you, so dont you forget it

Thanks to the friends I have made on line and please dont be offended if I'm not me anymore, just protecting myself.

Take carexxxxxx

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Comments from the community:

heylesleyk

its like you took the words from my own heart. Im feeling pretty much the same at the moment. It is SO hard not to let the hurt get in but it does.
You will help again because its in your nature. Trying to keep the walls up is a hard task, even if youthink its working you deep inside that the pain is there.
I hope your pain eases soon.
I understand every word that your saying about folk not really knowing you, I feel that way too.
please take care and know that you are a valuable person.
snapdragon

Written by snapdragon, 20. Feb 2008 02:17 PM

Les,

Given the circumstances I feel it is quite natural to be feeling the way you are right now. You will probably experience a wide variety of emotions after what has happened.

You are a good person with a kind heart and it's unfortunate that you were taken advantage of the way you were but please try not to be too hard on yourself.

Please remember that I love you too sis and I will be here for you when ever you need.

Jenny

Written by lifesucks, 20. Feb 2008 02:26 PM

Lesley

I am sorry the hole has appeared and you have to put up the walls. I hope over time in depnet, you can allow us to know a little bit about you each time you are in the chat room.

I don't let my walls down very much either unless it is to good friends and at the moment I have managed to not push away two friends - my m of h and bridesmaid who were both determined to push through my walls to get to know me/medical condition.

I think deppies will understand your situation of withdrawing/putting up the walls, but as I said, I hope you find the confidence to allow us in to help you heal.

Go Lesley!!!

Studying1

Written by studying1, 20. Feb 2008 04:20 PM

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