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I'm not improving much

A page in the diary "I hate myself"
Written by Nouse 29. May 2008 10:50 PM

Hi all,

After thinking i would let you all down by drinking, I still haven't been able to drag myself out of this hole.
I am still drinking, maybe not quite as much as before, but still.....

I'm not dealing with work much either, but it is probably better for me to be there than at home alone for longer periods of time.

My psych wasn't very happy when i saw him last week. He didn't want me to be working full time again, even though i told him it was only for a short time. He said I had only just started to clear my head a little from the last job, and he didn't want to see me go backwards again. When I told him that one of the girls had resigned, and that i was working more to fill in until they hired someone else, it floored him a little. He said if i had started to think "why me", he could understand, but i told him i was past that sort of thinking and couldn't let my new employers down. He said that was what i was like with everything, and i agreed, but that is just my work ethics, i can't let anyone down, despite how it hurts me.

Anyway, i am a bit of a mess and can't seem to get my life back together again just yet, but i suppose it gives me something to work towards in the future, however far away that is.

Again, thanks for your support, and i'm sorry i haven;t been on chat much lately, just not doin good.

Take care all

Nouse

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Comments from the community:

Nouse

You will be able to get through this drinking session and come out a stronger person.

I am not surprised your psychiatrist is shocked about working full time. Most of them like to give you a clearance that you are well enough to work/study before you go and do it. I know my psychiatrist will do that when I am well enough to either work or study.

Be strong and be positive. We all have hiccups in our lives and put this down to a hiccup.

Go Nouse!!!

Mrs Studying1

Written by studying1, 29. May 2008 10:57 PM

Nouse

It is a minor set back and I hope you get back onto not drinking and you feel better about yourself.

Ronda

Written by Deleted_User, 29. May 2008 11:22 PM

Hi Nouse,

It's hard being a "yes" person isn't it. The feeling that you can't let anyone down, I understand it very much, I'm exactly the same and the pressure builds and its easy to fall back into old habits.

It's just a minor set back, they will eventually employ someone to cover for the girl who resigned and hopefully that's going to happen sooner rather than later.

Go easy on yourself with your drinking, if you come down on yourself too hard it's just a vicious circle... I feel bad so I'll have a drink to try and make myself feel better, then you just feel the guilts for having had another drink. And round and round it goes. Been there, done that.

It's positive that you're talking about the future and how you want to get back on track. What you're going through at the moment will pass eventually, you just have to cling to that at the moment and know that we're here for you and you haven't let us down. Your honesty is to be admired, no one will judge you here, just try and support you through a difficult time.

Take it easy on yourself.

Luv Karen xxx

Written by fly, 30. May 2008 12:10 AM

Hun,

I know you are not coping at the moment. You tell me everything is fne bt I know it isn't. DOnt worry about burdenng me, I am okay. I can listen and help in any way possibe.

I care for you hun and you mean a lot to me. Please take care of yourself.

Love,
wd

Written by WhiteDove, 30. May 2008 01:23 AM

Nouse so what you had a set back you have no reason to apologise to any one for this.Most here have had set backs at times it s what you do from now. And as I see it you an only take it each day and try to get through it as best you can.There are no easy answers but from your time here on Depnet I have seen a caring compassionate lady trying desperately to hold her family together.I know nite time seems the hardest to get through my email addy is on my profile if every u need some one ok. TC

Written by Deleted_User, 30. May 2008 03:40 AM

Hi nouse
Please take care and don't be so hard on yourself, remember i'm here if u want to talk, i know i'm not much good on the advice side of things but i'm good at listening and careing. You have been there for me and i'm very gratefull for that, your a wonderful person, and i'm grateful to have found u.
You know u can contact me anytime, take care, love ya.

(((((((((nouse)))))))))

B1

Written by bananas, 30. May 2008 07:33 AM

Thank you nouse for your support and welcome, I appreciate it.
Regards Troy

Written by Troy2, 1. Jun 2008 11:51 PM

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